Man Wonders What Would Happen If Everyone Who Said Sanders Can’t Win Voted Blue No Matter Who

FT. MODERATION, IDAHO– Tyler Pessimistanto is a 38 year old American voter, and a registered Democrat. He wasn’t always a Democrat. In his lifetime, Tyler has also been a Republican and a registered independent. Tyler considers himself a progressive, modern man and he generally supports the platforms and policies that candidates like Sens. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders represent. Tyler lives in a comfortably red state, meaning that most pollsters don’t seem to think Idaho’s Electoral College votes will for the Democratic candidate, whom he’ll be voting for this fall.

What Tyler’s really unsure of at the moment, however, is whether he should vote for Bernie Sanders in the primary. He thinks the only reason won’t end up voting for Warren is that she could drop out of the race if her performance on Super Tuesday doesn’t garner her enough delegates. He’ll end up voting for former Vice President Biden if he’s the nominee, Tyler said, but he’d rather vote for a slightly more progressive candidate like Sanders, if he could get over one nagging thought in the back of his mind.

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“Can Bernie win? That’s all I keep thinking about, can Bernie actually beat the least popular and least popularly elected president of all time,” Tyler asked our reporter during their Skype call. “We simply have to beat Trump this time around. Our country may not ever recover if he and his crime family are allowed to just keep doing what they’ve been doing since he took office. They’re grifting assholes and everyone not in that cult knows it. That’s why his approval ratings have never been much above what his base is; he’s really unpopular. But…can Bernie win against him?”

Tyler believes one key to beating Trump is unity among non-Trump supporters. He wonders if because of that, Democrats should let former Republicans pick the candidate instead. Even though the never-Trump Republicans may not really believe in the kind of America that he and his fellow Dems do, Tyler is scared witless that choosing a bold progressive candidate like Sanders might alienate never-Trumpers, whose opinions on his party’s nominee he admits he’d never care about before this election cycle.

“Sure, they supported Sarah Palin being a heart attack away from the nuclear codes,” Tyler told our reporter, “but, does that mean we shouldn’t trust their judgment on who is electable? I’m just so confused; this is a very confusing time!”

In theory, Tyler says he knows that the Democrats have a “pretty good shot” at beating Trump if they coalesce behind one candidate. He says that he understands how close the last election was, and had just a few thousand votes gone Hillary Clinton’s way in a handful states, she’d be running for re-election right now instead of Trump. However, he wonders if Sanders is “too much a wild card” for the people who believe in backing the Democrat no matter what.

“What I wonder, what I’m really scared about, is what happens if the people who tell you to vote blue no matter who, don’t because it’s Sanders,” Tyler admitted. “It seems like I keep seeing a lot of the same people who have been literally screaming at me to vote blue no matter who saying they have a problem with Sanders being the Democratic nominee, and being the head of the blue team, so to speak. Hell, I’ve seen people calling themselves Never Sanders.”

Ultimately, Tyler says he’s left with one aching, nagging question in his mind.

“What would happen if everyone who said Sanders can’t win voted blue no matter who? That’s what I wonder, to be totally honest,” Tyler said. “I’m not all that great at math, so you tell me. But it seems like there’s a pretty good shot if all those people did what they told everyone else to do before. So, I guess at the end of the day, it’ll all come down to how many hypocrites there are in the Democratic Party, huh?”

Tyler paused while he thought about what he’d just said.

“Fuck,” he said simply, ending the Skype session moments later.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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