Republicans Outraged Milley Showed More Loyalty to Country Than Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For decades, the American people heard a steady refrain from the right-wing of the political spectrum in this country: “Respect the military.” Increasingly, however, congressional Republicans are showing that might not be their party’s mantra any longer, particularly when it comes to Gen. Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

In recent weeks, an excerpt involving Milley and former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump in a new book from journalist Bob Woodward has concentrated Republican ire for the highly decorated Milley.

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Trump loyalists are outraged that, according to the book, Milley felt compelled to reach out to his counterpart in the Chinese government and assure them that the U.S. had no intention of striking China. There were just weeks left before the election, and there was concern, reportedly, that Trump might attempt to “wag the dog” and get the United States involved in a war that might require him to suspend the election.

Speaking on Newsmax TV to Sean Spicer, former Press Propagandist for Trump, Rep. Gym Jordan (Q-Sexual Predator Town) blasted Milley last night.

“I’m sorry, I know that I might not have any idea what I’m talking about when it comes to military service,” Jordan said, “but it’s clear that Gen. Milley has no idea what loyalty means. He had a duty, a DUTY, to protect King God Emperor Trump’s balls and ego, and he failed. Bigly.”

On Fox News, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) criticized Milley, but also gave an update on a issue of critical importance to MAGA-America.

“You know, I might be a simple Canadian pretending to be a cowboy with a degree from an elite Ivy League law school, but I was always taught that our military’s sole purpose is to polish the scrote of the COMMANDER IN CHIEF,” Cruz said passionately. “And I think Milley has acted shamefully in dereliction of that duty. But at least I can tell you all, with confidence, that President Trump was right, and my wife Heidi is still extremely disgusting looking.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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