Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

Disgraced former General Mike Flynn is pretty sure that the Biden administration is sneaking COVID-19 vaccines into the bodies of unsuspecting members of MAGA nation; he’s just not entirely sure which methods the government is using. Already this week, Flynn has accused Biden of putting vaccines in salad dressing, causing many to wonder how well the pardoned ex-felon knows the MAGA base, given their stated aversion to libtarded things like eating vegetables that aren’t fried or acknowledging climate change.

Speaking on Steve Bannon’s podcast this morning, Flynn added a few more accusations to the list, insisting that Biden is tryng to get “decent white nationalists to ingest their chemicals.” Flynn also demanded that Democrats start giving former one term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump more credit for the vaccines he says are part of a conspiracy to keep the reality TV game show host from a second term in office.

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“Q told me Biden is putting COVID vaccines in Busch Beer and GPCs. It goes right in line with what we all know about the Democrats. They want to control Americans,” Flynn told Bannon, “and not even in the good ways like forcing rape victims to have rape babies, or telling Muslims their religion is literally illegal! They want us to get a life saving vaccine, and they’ve even gone so far as to have tyrannical volunteers knock on doors to politely ask if people have any questions about vaccines!”

Flynn said he’s got “solid fifteenth hand intelligence” that Biden is planning to sign an executive order in secret, directing the FDA to immediately begin pumping Busch Beer and GPC cigarettes full of the COVID-19 vaccine chemicals.

“They know they have to stuff it into the things we MAGA patriots love so much,” Flynn said. “So you check your grits. You check your gravy. You do a test on your cousin to see if she’s got vaccines in her pussy before you eat it out. Because at some point, Creepy Sleepy Joe Biden is going to sneak that vaccine — which he needs to give way more credit to Don Trump for — into your patriotic body!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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