POLL: Most Americans Hope Sanders and Warren Fans Remember How God Awful Trump Is

A new poll released this morning shows that the overwhelming majority of Americans aren’t taking a side in a brewing dustup between two leading, rival candidates for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination.

This week, tensions started to flare between the campaigns of Senators Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) and Bernie Sanders (D-VT) after CNN published an article in which an unnamed Warren staffer claimed that during a meeting in 2018, Sanders told Warren he didn’t think a woman could be elected president. The Sanders campaign has flatly denied how the meeting was characterized in the CNN article, which was updated to include the following quote from Sanders himself.

“It is ludicrous to believe that at the same meeting where Elizabeth Warren told me she was going to run for president, I would tell her that a woman couldn’t win,” Sanders said. “It’s sad that, three weeks before the Iowa caucus and a year after that private conversation, staff who weren’t in the room are lying about what happened. What I did say that night was that Donald Trump is a sexist, a racist and a liar who would weaponize whatever he could. Do I believe a woman can win in 2020? Of course! After all, Hillary Clinton beat Donald Trump by 3 million votes in 2016.” (CNN)

In her own statement following the controversy, Warren confirmed that to her recollection, Sanders did mention he didn’t think a woman could defeat Donald Trump.

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Online, comment sections and social media accounts started showing a divide between diehard supporters of both candidates, who are considered by most pundits to represent a very similar, very progressive voting bloc. Accusations of “Bernie Bro”ism started flying, and when Warren’s statement was released, Sanders supporters believed she was continuing to smear their preferred candidate. Despite winning the popular vote by over three million in 2016, there has always been some animosity between party hardliners and Sanders supporters who chose not to vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016, and some have started to wonder if a similar situation might arise now, four years later.

A snap poll conducted overnight shows that while tensions might be flaring between the most ardent, entrenched supporters of Sanders and Warren, an enormous swath of voters simply hope both sides remember how “God Awful” President Donald Trump is. The poll, conducted by We Poll You So Hard, a non-partisan, non-profit polling company, shows that a whopping 85% of respondents “just want everyone to focus on the giant orange turd blossom in the Oval Office,” We Poll You’s media liaison told reporters today.

“It’s very rare in this country that you see such unified results on just about any topic,” Jane Jean Jeanette announced as she gave the results of the poll to various media outlets this morning, “but almost nine out of every ten people who took our poll said that they would vote for either Sanders or Warren over Trump, and that they hope the hardcore fans of each remembers who the real enemy is come this fall.”

Jeanette says that according the data parsed by We Poll You, the average respondent “sees differences” between Sanders and Warren, but that those differences are “not enough to disqualify either one.” She says that of those who took the poll, nearly 90% said they’d be “just as happy with either one.” Further data analysis is needed, Ms. Jeanette explained, but it would appear at the outset that there are millions of Americans who “just want to kick out the piece of shit that’s in office now.”

“It’s pretty obvious from the preliminary data that’s come in that there are hardcore, ardent supporters of both candidates who genuinely think the difference between the two is enough to not vote for the other one,” Jeanette said, “but that that there are far, far more Americans — who outnumber both groups combined — who just want a sane, rational, thinking adult in office. One that won’t remind you every thirty seconds on their Twitter feeds why they’re garbage people, and that third much larger group, just wants the diehards for Warren and Sanders to pull the same cart, together, come November.”

Interestingly enough, most respondents favor what Jeanette called a “robust, healthy debate” during the primary season.

“It’s not that everyone wants the DNC to handpick the candidate, and it’s not that everyone wants some kind of kumbaya love-in during the primaries,” Jeanette explained, “it’s just that they hope no animosities stay between the supporters when it’s time to vote in the general election. Four years of either one would be so much better than another four of Trump, our respondents say, but it’s not about partisan politics. In fact, there are a lot of people who are saying they don’t even care about ‘vote blue’ campaigns. Just that they hope people either vote for someone other than Trump, or don’t vote at all.”

President Trump remains the least popular, and least popularly elected, president of all time.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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