This One Simple Trick Could Have Saved Ashli Babbitt’s Life

Last year, former one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump was still, technically speaking, the sitting President of the United States. He was a lame duck president at the time, with just two weeks left before he was to hand over power, peacefully, to incoming President Sleepy Joe Biden — who was at least awake enough to handily dispatch Trump at the ballot box the prior November.

However, on this day one year ago, Trump showed his trademark inability to accept reality or defeat, and instead helped culminate the violent attack on the U.S. Capitol, trying in vain to stop Biden’s certification. Among the mouth-breathing, cousin fucking masses that day was a woman named Ashli Babbit. She was a pro-Trump, pro-MAGA former vet who made several social media posts leading up to and on that day, indicating her intention to help stop democracy in its tracks.

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Babbitt was shot and killed by capitol security forces as she was attempting to break in. One question surrounding Babbitt’s death that has yet to be answered is, quite simply, was there anyway that her life could have been saved that day. After doing just as much research as we wanted to, and asking experts who would answer our calls, this outlet can exclusively report that, yes, there was something that could have saved Ashli Babbitt’s life.

Ashli could have saved her own life by not being a violent, unhinged, cultist psychopath domestic terrorist hellbent on invalidating the votes of 81 million Americans. That would’ve done the trick and Ashli would be alive today to spew her toxic conspiracy theories instead of acting on them.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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