CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — Though his first turn as a private citizen assigned to jury duty went off relatively without a hitch, there was one moment of confusion when former President Barack Obama checked in to do his civic duty yesterday, and many mainstream outlets weren’t there to witness it.
“Hi, I’m Barry Soetero, excuse me, Barack Hussein Obama,” the former president told the court clerk checking in prospective jurors, “You might have heard of me. No big deal if you haven’t. Anyway, here’s my ID card, reporting in for jury duty.”
Mr. Obama slipped an identification card out of his wallet and handed to the clerk. Taking the card, the clerk looked at it once, then twice, then a third time. She called over her supervisor and showed the card to that woman while Obama looked on. Mr. Obama turned to people behind him, shrugging, unsure what the issue is.
“Um, sir? This identification card isn’t valid for these purposes,” the clerk told Obama.
Former President Obama smirked.
“Oh, did I hand you my library card? I’m always doing that. Sorry,” Obama said.
The clerk nodded her head, “No.”
“My Soros Society secret ID card? Damn, I really need to keep that in my other wallet,” Obama said.
The clerk tried to explain the situation.
“No, sir, this ID card says it’s issued by the government of Kenya, sir. It has this mark and seal from the Secret Society of Kenyan Sharia Loving Muslim Socialists. We need an American identification,” the clerk indicated.
Obama smiled wide. He knew what was happening. Once more, the former president attempted to explain.
“Oh ha ha ha! I forgot I’d had that made up for Inauguration Day this year,” Obama explained, “You see, I was going to drop this card as I went to shake Trump’s hand for the first time on that day. Just to fuck with him a little, because if anyone deserves to be fucked on at least a tiny bit, it’s that guy right?”
The clerk suddenly understood. The pair, Obama and the court clerk, shared a good, hearty laugh for at least a full minute. Tears were streaming down both their cheeks.
“Yeah, fuck that guy so hard,” the clerk said.
“So hard. Fuck that guy so hard,” Obama said.
The White House could not be reached for comment.