Man Who Fractured Kid’s Skull For ‘Disrespecting’ Anthem to Receive Presidential Medal of Nationalist Psychos

SHITDICK, MONTANA — A man who beat and fractured a 13-year-old boy’s skull because he said the child was “disrespecting” the flag during the national anthem. The man, who is nearly 40, was arrested for assaualt.

The man, 39-year-old Curt James Brockway, had allegedly attacked the boy for his “disrespect,” a witness told the Missoulian. Brockway was soon arrested and charged with assault on a minor for the attack at the Mineral County Fair and Rodeo. (Vice)

This morning, Mr. Brockway found out he has quite the ally in his corner — President Donald J. Trump. Mr. Trump has routinely criticized NFL and other professional athletes for protesting police brutality by kneeling or not standing while the anthem is played before games. The topic has been one Trump repeatedly uses to whip up support and energy among his base.

Upon hearing the news of Mr. Brockway’s vicious and savage attack on the child, Trump reportedly told staff he wanted to setup a meeting as soon as possible with him. Trump reportedly thought about making Brockway the head of his campaign rally security, then apparently even thought about creating a new “flag protection force” and making Brockway the head of it. Senior level officials apparently dissuaded the president from putting Brockway that close to him in the public’s eye, however they did so by getting him to agree to a compromise of sorts.

“I need to see that man! I need to give him some kind of presidential award,” Mr. Trump apparently shouted at his staff the other morning, “because that’s the kind of guy who truly represents what MAGA is about. What better way to make America great than to have fully grown men beat the living shit out of 13-year-olds because their feelings about a magical freedom rag are so strong? If you ask me, that’s the exact kind of country our glorious founding fathers had in mind, and who are we to stand in the way of their vision.”
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There were some on his staff that felt a presidential award might be a step too far, so Trump compromised and created his own, new award right there on the spot.

“Fine, you cucks don’t want to give him a Medal of Freedom, then I say we give him a new award,” Trump said, “and we’ll call it…the Presidential Medal of Nationalist Psychos. Frankly, I don’t even know why the word ‘psycho’ is an insult. I’ve been called that word several times and so clearly it’s actually a very bigly compliment.”

Sometime in the next few weeks, Trump says he plans to host Brockway at the White House and give him the new award.

“It’s like that tremendous intellectual thinker Candace Owens said, nationalism isn’t a problem. Sure, Hitler was a nationalist, but like Candy said, he wanted to do his nationalism outside of Germany,” Trump said, “and all I want to do is roundup ethnic minorities and get rid of them. And THAT gets me compared to Hitler? WTF?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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