Mexico Offers to Pay to Remove Trump’s White House Wall

DELAWARE — The Joe Biden presidential campaign received a letter from the Federal Government of Mexico today, offering to assist covering any costs incurred to remove the new fence, or wall, that President Donald Trump has erected around the White House.

As a response to growing outrage and protests began to take place all over the country in response to  the killing of an unarmed black suspect by a white Minneapolis cop. Those protests started to take place right in front of the White House, and reportedly were loud enough to drive the president into an underground bunker while they raged on. The next day, workers started erecting a tall fence a few feet in front of the already existing fence around the perimeter of the White House.

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The Biden campaign gave Mexico’s letter to the press, and we are choosing to reprint the letter below, verbatim. Reportedly, the letter was sent in three languages — Spanish, English, and so that President Trump could read it, in Moron.

Dear Vice President Biden,

Please regard this letter as an official invitation to discuss the possibility of a cost-sharing, multinational effort, should you do literally the entire planet, perhaps the galaxy even, a favor, and defeat El Chingando Naranjo this fall. As you know, Mr. Biden, el racista más grande y más maloliente has been demanding that the People of Mexico pay for his monument to American racism on our shared border for quite some time. You also must know that we have continuously rebuked and rebuffed those claims, and have pledged never to acquiesce to his extremely stupid demands.

Admittedly, Vice President Biden, Mexico does find it quite hilarious that this puffed-chested miscreant bully, who enjoys pretending to be the bravest man alive, was so terrified of his own citizens that he put up a wall in front of the White House. We briefly considered offering to pay to have a plaque printed that said, “This Wall is a Testament to the Timidity and Cowardice of a Tiny-Handed Twatwaffle Who Was Also President For Some Reason.” However, we no longer want to fan any flames of anger between our countries, and would prefer, instead, to simply help pay for its removal.

Should you win the election in November, Mexico is prepared to foot the entire cost of removing the new fence, or wall if you want to call it that, from around the White House. We will expect absolutely nothing in return. We cannot reiterate that enough — we will expect literally nothing in return for paying to remove Trump’s White House wall.

All we’d ask is that you let us film the entire process so that we could have a beautiful package edited together and sent to Mar-A-Lago, where we can only assume he’ll live out the rest of his days grabbing pussy and bathing in the urinal extracts of Russian prostitutes. We’d love to be able to watch him stroke out as he watched the video so we could get his reaction, though, so if you feel like having him arrested for the multiple crimes he’s committed both in and out of office, we could hold off on tearing down his wall until that’s been all squared away. You let us know.

The bottom line, Mr. We Hope Soon to Be President, is that Donald Trump is a racist white collar crook. It would do your country a great disservice to leave that ugly fence up around the White House one moment after he’s gone. Let’s work together and tear down that wall, Mr. Biden.

On the off chance that he wisens up and takes it down himself, let’s talk about maybe Mexico paying for Donald Trump Jr’s surgery to correct his chronic jizz face or something.




A spokesperson for the Biden campaign thanked Mexico for the “kind offer” but declined to take them up on it.

“Unlike certain, be-diapered, shitty haired, tiny-fingered fuckfaces currently in the White House,” Biden’s spokesperson tweeted, “Joe doesn’t believe in working with foreign countries until he’s actually in office. However, he completely understands Mexico’s offer and will certainly consider having some discussions with them about it, depending on what happens in November.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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