Matt Gaetz Can’t Believe Q Didn’t Tell Him Matt Gaetz is a Sex Trafficker

WHORELAND-O, FLORIDA — Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) may or may not have very much time left on his political career.

Gaetz announced shortly before the news about being investigated by the FBI for crimes relating to paying for sex, potentially with at least one underage minor girl, that he would be leaving Congress early to host a TV show. Some have wondered if that announcement was meant to preemptively get out in front of the damaging news about the federal investigation into his contact, but regardless of his motivation for doing so, it’s obvious that Gaetz wasn’t planning on sticking around D.C. as a congressman for a very long time.

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In a new interview on OAN, Gaetz spoke about his current mental state, and indicated that he felt “just as surprised as anyone” when he heard the news that he was being investigated for sex trafficking.

“Jack I have to tell you, I’m a little beside myself. Shocked, I guess you could say,” Gaetz told the OAN host and Pizzagate truther Jack Posobiec, “because I was tapped into Q Drops the whole time, and I would have really thought Q would have tipped us off to there being a high-profile sex trafficker in Congress!”

Gaetz says he’s “perplexed” that Q-Anon didn’t give him any heads-up whatsoever about himself. Rep. Gaetz told Posobiec he’s not “mat at Q per se,” only “confused and a little hurt.” Gaetz, clearly drunk and slurring some of his words, said he still has faith in Q, and that one day soon former President Donald J. Trump will be reinstalled into office “once all the evidence we made up about voter fraud or whatever comes to light.”

“Q’s got all the answers right? He’s the omnipotent, all-knowing force that one day will actually predict something that comes true, probably, whatever,” Gaetz stammered as he sipped from a flask. “So if he knows everything, why didn’t he tell me that Matt Gaetz guy is a sex trafficker, Jack?! It just makes no sense at all to me!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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