MAGA Boy Outraged at How Uncivil AOC Was to Trump’s Gulag Guards

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins says he “100% hates” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and he doesn’t “care how hot her stupid little commie mouth is,” he’ll never change his mind about her, especially after her tweets about the migrant detention centers she visited this week.

Rep. Ocasio-Cortez was among a delegation of Democratic congressional representatives who traveled to Texas to inspect the facilities that the Trump administration is using to house thousands of detained migrant families that they have broken up and separated. The separations started as part of Trump’s “zero tolerance” policy toward illegal border crossings, and has reached a humanitarian crisis level since. During the visit, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez reportedly got heated and angry with members of the Customs and Border Protection. Though she was not the only one to have reportedly done so, right-wing media outlets focused their scorn on her for the most part, largely ignoring her colleagues that corroborated her story.

“AOC is a super hot sexy liar commie! If she’d just debate me, she’d A) see what a libtard she is, B) see how wrong she is in all her thoughts and C) most importantly, fall madly in love with me, renounce libtardism, and join me on the side of big government that snoops up ladies’ dresses,” Bohiggins told his podcast audience today. “Fact is, she had no right to be mean to those fine American stormtroopers guarding President Trump’s gulags! Under what so-called authority did she do all that yesterday huh? The goddamned GOVERNMENT’S?!”

Rep. Ocasio-Cortez sparred with White House Senior Crypt Keeping Adviser Kellyanne Conway on social media today, as well.

“All those fine patriots did was make fun of a few illegal browns, okay? All those heroes did was make fun of them and maybe deprive them of hygiene,” Jethro said. “They just made fun of them, deprived them of hygiene, and malnourished them. They just made fun of them, deprived them of hygiene, malnourished them, and told them they have to drink out of the toilet. Is that really so bad? That’s how you’d get treated at any standard Motel 6, for chrissakes!”

Bohiggins says that “anyone who criticizes ICE agents” is doing so “out of pure and total ignorance for how hard their job is.”

“They just follow orders, okay, Libtards? They just follow orders,” Jethro admonished liberals. “In case you didn’t know, we don’t punish people for just following orders. It’s a completely and totally valid excuse for all of your behavior — you were just following orders.”

Ocasio-Cortez should have “watched her tone” and “shown complete and total respect” for CBP and its agents, Jethro said.

“Now, look, I know it’s the libtards who are always crying about their feelings and who are always tone policing us,” Bohiggins said, “but I think it’s totally okay to be a hypocrite in this case because freedom. And liberty. And guns. And fucking my sister. You get the point, fam.”

Jethro demanded that Rep. Ocasio-Cortez “immediately and completely apologize personally” to every single CBP agent.

“Even the ones in the Facebook group that were sharing racist jokes and memes of her in all kinds of sex acts,” Bohiggins insisted. “She needs to apologize to all of them. Sure, they may be ghoulishly and fiendishly delighting in hurting poor immigrants, but she said mean words about them! That should, frankly, be a crime and she should be in jail for the rest of her sexy, stupid, hot as hell life, fam!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

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