Liberty University to Give Falwell 21-Cuck Salute Send-Off

LYNCHBURG, VIRGINIA — When Jerry Falwell Jr. leaves Liberty University in the coming days, it’ll be in disgrace, but that doesn’t mean his soon-to-be-former employer will send him off without at least some fanfare.

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Falwell Jr’s demise started with an Instagram post he put up featuring himself with his wife, which seemed to suggest some kind of hedonistic behavior was about to happen or had just happened. Liberty University is one of the country’s biggest Christian universities. Students and faculty are all required to sign agreements limiting their behavior and promising to agree to a moral code. The dam of embarrassing hypocrisy seemed to break when it was discovered that the Falwells had also carried on a sexual affair with a close work colleague, which seemed to not comport with the ethics pledge.

Within days of the Instagram post and news of the throupling, Falwell was rumored to be resigning from Liberty University. Today, The Washington Post was able to confirm with Falwell some of the details of his departure. He will receive millions of dollars in severance and retirement, but will indeed be stepping down from his role at Liberty University.

Falwell said he will receive $2.5 million over 24 months, equivalent to two years’ salary. He agreed not to work for a competing university during that time. After two years, he will receive around $8 million in retirement. Falwell said he signed a 20-page contract in July 2019 that outlined the terms. (WaPo)

It’s not just millions of dollars that Liberty University will bestow upon Falwell, however. Upon leaving the campus for the last time, Falwell will be given what the school is calling a “21-cuck salute.” A spokesperson for Liberty explained what that entails.

“I mean, it’s not that hard to figure out. It’s pretty self-explanatory,” Liberty U spokesperson Karen Smith told reporters today. “As Rev. Falwell leaves our hallowed grounds one last time, 21 of our highest-achieving students will stand, salute, and scream ‘CUCK!’ at him at the top of his lungs, until he’s gotten in his luxury vehicle, purchased with money he was paid so that he could force kids to live under a different sent of morals than he was willing to live by.”

Mr. Falwell has not indicated exactly what he’ll do next. However, word is that the Trump administration is currently looking for openings that might suit him. Buzz seems to be that Vice President Mike Pence might be interested in bringing Falwell in for some special projects.

“What we’re hearing is that the vice president is interesting in seeing if Mr. Falwell would like to have some private meetings with he and Second Lady Mother,” one White House staffer told us on the condition of anonymity. “Except, Pence keeps saying he wants his wife to ‘do the Falwell part’ and he and Falwell would do the ‘Falwell’s wife and pool boy part.’ Not sure what that means, but it’ll all come out in the wash.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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