DÉSOSSAGE VOTRE COUSIN, MISSISSIPPI — This morning, in a rare and unforeseen turn of events, a joint statement was written and released by white supremacist David Duke, the American Nazi Party, and the Ku Klux Klan. The statement categorically condemns the media for its “rush to judgment” over a viral video that showed a confrontation in the nation’s capital between a Native American elder and boys from a Kentucky Catholic school during a pro-life rally.
After a longer video with more context surfaced, some have chastised the media for not more fully vetting the story, to show more details of the confrontation. Others have implied that the longer video exonerates the boys, who were still seen mocking the natives. The statement released this morning doesn’t get into any of that, but rather attacks the “vile, Jew-run media” for implying people wearing Make America Great Again hats, as some of the Covington students wear in the video, are white nationalists, or racists.
“It is just so very typical of the Jew-run — excuse us — mainstream media, to attack these boys simply for what they wear,” the statement reads. “Sure, the boys were mocking natives and taunting them, and sure the natives were attempting to end a confrontation between another group and the boys, but those are facts and facts hurt our racist feelings, fam.”
The letter encourages media outlets to “do some research.”
“For goodness sakes, you evil creatures of Satan’s loins, do some research! Not every racist, white supremacist wears a MAGA hat,” the group wrote. “We wear hoods too, fam.”
President Trump personally weighed-in on the controversy via Twitter this morning as well.
Nick Sandmann and the students of Covington have become symbols of Fake News and how evil it can be. They have captivated the attention of the world, and I know they will use it for the good – maybe even to bring people together. It started off unpleasant, but can end in a dream!
During the 2016 presidential election, Trump received endorsements from the American Nazi Party, as well as the former KKK Grand Wizard Duke. Throughout his presidency, racial tension has dogged Trump. After a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia left one anti-racism protester dead, the president tweeted an equivocation, saying there were “good people” among the white supremacists.
Duke, the Nazi Party, and the KKK all insist that the media and “other libtarded, Jew and black loving Americans” stop generalizing about Trump supporters.
“Yes, the majority of them want to preserve a white ethnostate,” the letter reads. “But our reasons are all different, and it ain’t their fault they don’t hear the dog whistles. And, sure, if you hear something racist and/or xenophobic these days, and you told people it was either a Trump supporter or someone else, you’d be right most often if you guessed it was the Trumper. But, wait. What were we saying? Oh yeah, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AND WHITE AGAIN!”
Ultimately, the group feels that their “fascist and fashion choices” are being treated unfairly.
“We have other pieces in our wardrobe! Robes, burning lowercase T’s, you name it,” the letter states. “So start treating us with respect, media cucks!”
The White House has said they do not condone the beliefs of the statement’s signers, but that the letter will be framed and hung in the Oval Office anyway, because it defended the president and his agenda.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.