WASHINGTON, D.C. — On her way out the door of the White House to head to the 12th Annual Christian Coalition Gravy Chug and Koran Burning, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was stopped by reporters in the pool and asked about why the Trump administration keeps downplaying the roles Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, and George Papadopoulos played in the 2016 presidential campaign.
Manafort and Gates were arrested and charged on Monday by Special Counsel Robert Mueller as the first two ensnared of his probe into Russian interference with the election. Mr. Papadopoulos’ guilty plea for lying to FBI investigators about contacts he had with the Kremlin while working for the Trump campaign seems to poke holes in the administration’s long standing argument that no one who worked for the campaign colluded with Russia to help Trump defeat Hillary Clinton. At a press conference Monday, Huckabee referred to Mr. Papadopoulos as volunteer, in attempt to minimize the role he played in the campaign as one of its military and foreign policy advisers.
“Look, all’s I’m sayin’ y’all damn dirty commie socialist reporter ass bitches — J/K, guys! Golly, nice to see your trademark senses of humor, you cunts,” Huckabee began, “are always creating narratives that aren’t there. Why would anyone think working for the Trump campaign means that you are affiliated with or connected to Trump?”
The pool seemed incredulous, and Huckabee tried to explain it in simpler terms to them.
“It’s really easy to understand if you’re not a libtarded cuck-bitch lugenpresse media member,” Sanders said, “Working for Trump doesn’t mean you’re connected to Trump just because Trump is involved and he’s your boss. Since when did someone being your boss make you affiliated with them? What an insulting allegation, if I’ve ever heard one.”
Huckabee Sanders scoffed at the suggestion that the connection between the three men and Trump was obvious and that the administration was simply trying to buy itself time to craft a more plausible story of denial.
“Oh, sure, guys, that’s how it works. Yeah, we’re all just, like, freaking out because to you morons working for someone means you’re affiliated with them,” Sanders chided the reporters, “Just like if I put on the uniform and go serve Big Macs, I’m affiliated with McDonald’s? Is that what you’re saying? Give me a break.”
Huckabee went on to give the pool names of other people who are in no way affiliated with President Trump.
“Donald Trump Jr., his son-in-law Jared Kushner, his First Lady Ivanka, and his other son The Even Dumber One,” Huckabee said, “are all completely unaffiliated with their father, lover, and father-in-law. Any implication otherwise is specious and you’re all just lucky the First Amendment is still in place for now, or you’d be so screwed for reporting it.”
Some more satire to consider: