Hipster Nazi Photographed at Charlottesville White Power Rally Blames ‘Jew-Run Media’ For Being Labeled Racist

CLETUSVILLE, VIRGINIA — 21 year old Scott Williams worked at a car dealership just outside his small Virginia town for two years, since graduating high school. Recent events in his home state, however, have left him branded a racist by many around him, and even cost him his job.

Williams is a lifelong resident of the state and he recently told the hosts of an online, right-wing podcast that he is “flabbergasted, angry, and more than a little gassy” over what transpired in Charlottesville over the weekend. Scott was photographed at a gathering of Tiki torch bearing white nationalists, his face plastered all over the country in various media outlets, and he says that he’s being unfairly labeled a racist now by friends, family, and random strangers who recognize him thanks to the media coverage of the rally and ensuing violence that end in the horrific domestic terror attack that left one woman dead and several others seriously injured.

Williams blames the media for his infamy, and says it’s all their fault people now think he’s a “hater and whatnot.”

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“The Jew-run media takes a couple pictures of me doing a Nazi salute, chanting translated Nazi propaganda, and wearing Nazi cosplay pieces,” Williams said with incredulity dripping from his words, “and now all of a sudden I’m a racist? You get photographed at one Nazi gathering and all of a sudden you get labeled a hateful, racist bigot?”

Mr. Williams told the podcast’s hosts that he thinks it’s “completely unfair and uncool” that he’s been labeled as a racist in the aftermath of the nightmarish events in Charlottesville. There have been major consequences for being caught at a white supremacist gathering, Scott says. Consequences that he had no idea existed.

“My boss pulled me aside this morning,” Williams told the hosts, “and told me that they don’t tolerate Nazis working there. Said something about how his grandfather was a World War II vet and lost the best years of his life killing Nazis, and how he wasn’t going to let one work for him, no matter how good he is at repairing cars. That’s just crazy. Whatever happened to freedom of hate speech, America?”

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Some of Scott’s closest friends have abandoned him as well, he reports.

“My best friend my whole life texted me and said he was disgusted by me,” Scott said, “Can you believe that? I’m there protesting the genocide of our pure, white people and he’s disgusted by me? He should be thanking me, shouldn’t he?”

Despite the negative attention and notoriety that being photographed at a white power rally has caused him, Scott says he will attend future rallies of a similar nature. He’s just decided to “go old school,” he said, and protect his anonymity.

“I never wanted to wear a white hood because I get claustrophobic so easily,” Scott explained, “but hey, desperately racist times call for desperately racist measures, know what I mean?”

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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