Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first hearing to determine her eligibility to seek re-election. Greene’s candidacy has been challenged by a group of voters in her own district, on grounds that she participated in an insurrection, which is barred by the Constitution’s 14th Amendment.

The first hearing in the case was held in a Georgia courtroom, where the Republican took the stand to testify.

When asked about her testimony on Steve Bannon’s podcast this weekend, however, Ms. Greene was unable to recall very many details of that day. Despite repeatedly being asked by Bannon how she felt, and even what she said on the witness stand, Greene indicated she was “having a hard time” recalling concrete details. After five minutes of trying to jog her memory, Bannon moved on to asking Greene how she started her day.

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Rep. Greene, however, was unable to recall that as well. Bannon asked her if she was feeling okay, and she indicated she was feeling “fine,” she just couldn’t remember what she did that morning. So, Bannon then asked her if she wanted to tell his audience the same story she’d told him, just five minutes before recording the podcast.

Greene was unable to recall the conversation she’d had with Bannon, just five minutes prior.

“Are you sure, Marjorie? There’s nothing you remember about what you told me just before we went On-Air? Marjorie, are you sure about that,” Jones asked, trying to coax Greene into remembering.

Greene just shook her head and repeated that she didn’t remember what she’d said before. Hours later, Greene’s office released a written statement explaining why she has been suffering from so much memory loss as of late.

The following is a portion of Greene’s written statement.

When she took office in January of 2021, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene entered into a brain cell sharing arrangement between herself, Rep. Lauren “Diarrhea BBQ” Boebert, and former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Ms. Palin had agreed to donate half of her available brain cells to Rep. Greene and Rep Boebert, for them to share. 

Recently, Ms. Palin indicated she will be running for Congress, and last week she reached out to Congresspony Greene, indicating she needed her brain cells back. Candidate Palin doesn’t think she can run a successful campaign with just four brain cells.

With her dramatically reduced brain cell count, Rep. Greene has found herself to have massive lapses in memory. Essentially, just as soon as a thought has traveled its customary route from her rectum to her mouth, it’s no longer retained anywhere else in her body; least of which in the nearly dried up Jell-o that constitutes what Rep. Greene classifies as her brain.

Rep. Greene is in negotiations with several manure companies to provide her with the cognitive material she needs to run her campaign without Ms. Palin’s brain cells. Until that time, she hopes everyone will forgive her continued lapses in, um…memorializing things or whatever.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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