Fox News Offers Time Slot Before Tucker Carlson to Kim Jong-Un

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Executives at Fox News have reportedly reached out to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un and offered him the time slot on their primetime lineup that is currently occupied by Martha MacCallum, which immediately precedes Tucker Carlson’s show.

The development comes in the wake of President Donald Trump’s historic visit to the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea this weekend. During the visit, Mr. Trump shook hands with and met Kim Jong-Un. The president had offered to meet with the North Korean dictator who is accused of murdering his own brother, among others, on Twitter after leaving the G20 summit in Japan.

Some pundits and commentators noticed that Fox News’ coverage of the impromptu summit had a decidedly different tone than when rumors of former President Barack Obama’s attempts to restart relations with North Korea broke. Even noted conservative voices, like former Congressman Joe Walsh, noted that Fox’s hosts, who pilloried Kim Jong-Un for years as a barbaric autocrat, had begun to praise him, ignoring the multiple human rights violations he and his deceased father are accused of perpetrating on their own people.

“It is with great honor that we invite President Emperor King Donald J. Trump’s most cherished and honored friend, North Korean Super Nice Guy Leader Kim Jong-Un to join the Fox News klan,” a press release from Fox News reads. “We are certain that a very special, very legal, very cool bond has been formed between Dear President and the North Korean very warm and friendly leader, and look forward to leveraging that special bond for ratings.”

It’s unclear exactly which time slot would be given to Ms. MacCallum should the North Korean dictator take Fox News up on their offer. Fox News Jr. Media Executive Dan Dently told investors on a conference call this morning that was “not a very big concern for us.”

“A man needs something, and a woman will have to give that something up. Sounds to me like the rock-ribbed Republican conservative values this station defends against the onslaught of liberal slant toward facts we don’t like to know,” Dently said. “I’m sure we have SOME position for her. I mean…this is Fox News after all. O’Reilly might be gone and Ailes might be dead, but there’s still enough weapons-grade misogyny in here to base six seasons of Handmaid’s Tale on.”

Tucker Carlson, the man who would be tasked with following the North Korean dictator’s show, told reporters today he’d be “thrilled” for the chance.

“I already spend an hour every night kissing a wannabe autocrat’s ass, I might as well kiss a real one’s ass, too,” Carlson said.

For his part, Kim Jong-Un has not given any solid indications one way or the other about taking the Fox News job. He did, however, tell North Korean state media outlets that he’s hired a television producer and has started to “think about the format” of his show. Reportedly, a late night talk show is what is favored by Kim Jong-Un.

“Leader Kim has reached out to Dennis Rodman to see if he’d be his Andy Richter,” one source close to the North Korean despot told reporters on the condition of anonymity. “He’s pretty sure Mike Huckabee will be his band leader, and his daughter Sarah will be head joke writer. Because, you know, she was always being so funny at her press conferences all the time.”

Another Story: Jim Jordan Outraged Mueller’s Congressional Testimony ‘Won’t Even Touch On Benghazi’

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This