Local Man Loves The U.S. So Much He Wants to Install a Permanent Monarch and Execute Millions of Americans

A deranged lunatic and former National Security Adviser told a group of right-wing radical Christian extremists this weekend that is deep, intense, abiding love for the United States of America has inspired within a hope. That hope, this psychotic, lying, corrupt, idiotic fascist explained, is that a civil war would break out in the U.S., and that a coup — like the one attempted in Myanmar — would install former President Donald J. Trump, despite the results of an election laid out in the Constitution.

This publication is still working to confirm the identity of the man in question, though there are several theories at this point. Some believe he may be the reincarnated spirit of Stonewall Jackson. Regardless of who he is, though, one thing is for sure — he loves America so much he wants to end its democratic electoral system and have monarchy instead.

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The 2021 election was held more than six months ago. The results were counted and certified well before the failed insurrection of January 6th. All told, more than five dozen lawsuits brought by Trump and his representatives failed to unearth or present a scintilla of evidence that a widespread conspiracy cost the alleged billionaire the election unfairly. That hasn’t stopped people like Trump, and the unhinged traitor from calling for more insurrections. In the video posted below, the local man can be heard encouraging Americans to take up arms against their own government.

Despite the First Amendment’s protections of free thought and expression from government interference, there are also very clear penalties for treason against the U.S. There are also more than 240 years of constitutional judicial precedent that have established that even freedom of speech has implied — and very real — limitations. While it’s unclear at this time if the man in question will face any consequences for publicly trying to foment a revolution against the U.S., legal experts have already noted his lack of melanin and pigmentation in his skin, thereby greatly reducing his exposure to any consequences whatsoever.

“Yes, it’s very illegal to incite an insurrection, and it’s extremely against the law to mount a coup,” constitutional lawyer Burt Thompson told us, “but he’s white as the wind-driven snow, so I would count on him being allowed to spew his nonsense without any repercussions, you know, outside of more domestic terror attacks inspired by his words, for quite sometime to come.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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