WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) have been holding “America First” rallies in the past couple of weeks, trying to yoke the MAGA movement and coalesce it around themselves, ahead of the 2022 mid-terms. Both Gaetz and Greene are fervent, ardent defenders of former President Donald Trump and have holding the rallies in a very similar fashion to how Trump held his, however notably at smaller venues to smaller crowds.
Today, Greene and Gaetz formed a new group they’re calling a “political action mob” and they hope it helps grow their rallies in size and fury.
“Matt and I real pleased, y’all, to smoke this here crack, and to announce that the Qu Qlux Qlan is officially opemn for business,” Greene, crack smoke issuing from her lips, told reporters in D.C. this morning. “It’s gonna be a real force for change in this country. America needs a political action mob willing to use the Second Amendment for what it was intended for — murdering your fellow Americans if they vote to raise taxes on the wealthy.”
Gaetz said that he and Greene got the idea to start a group formally when they saw how much their rally crowds wanted to get violent.
“I started talking about the Second Amendment and their eyes would light up, their mouths would start foaming, and they started hootin’ and hollerin’ so much, I knew we were onto something,” Gaetz, slurring his words and drinking from a flask, said on Fox News today. “We figured it might inspire fellow melanin-free patriots to attend our rallies.”
Greene said she and Gaetz have already convinced a handful of prominent people from the American political right to join their group.
“We’ve got David Duke, the ghost of Strom Thurmond, and a literal flaming cross,” Greene announced. “Those are three of the most trusted conservatives in history, and they’re already in the QQQ! The hate America, commie-socialist, anti-freedom press may not want to report it, but clearly our movement is here to stay.”
Special merchandise, created to help the QQQ raise funds, is currently available from the group’s new website. Gaetz previewed some of the wares for the Fox hosts.
“See, we have these cute pointed MAGA hats we’ve added the QQQ logo to,” Gaetz said, donning one of the hats, “and just to show a good faith effort to reach across the aisle, they have masks built in, where you can put the hat on, and pull the mask down over your face, leaving just your eyes exposed. Oh! And you should the luxurious white robes you can get with our logo on it! Classy as a gold toilet and banging a porn start right after your wife gives birth to your third child, if you ask me.”
Gaetz then announced that the QQQ is looking to hire a “few hot, young interns.”
“You need to be 17 to 17 and three-quarters years old, and permission to travel across state lines,” Gaetz said. “You will be reimbursed for any, um, activities, you’re asked to participate in. Bring a bathing suit.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.