Disney World Offering Free Bud Light to Every Transgender Guest This Summer

Transgender guests of Walt Disney World can receive a rather special perk this summer, according to sources within the company. In leaked records provided to us, it appears that Disney executives are about to green light a special promotion that would give free Bud Light beer to everyone who is transgender and visits the Orlando theme park this summer.

An anonymous source within the company spoke to us via Skype this morning about the rumors, and why Disney is considering this promotion to begin with.

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“From what I’ve heard around the executive suite, we’ve done the same kinds of market research that Bud Light has done, and figured out that judgmental religious extremists don’t make up that much of our customer base. To us, that means the free market has already spoken, and it’s not transphobic or homophobic,” our source told us. “I don’t know who told all the fundies out there that they’re the Silent Majority, because they’re more like the annoying, won’t shut-the-fuck-up minority. There will be no impact on our bottom line, or Bud Light’s, because of any boycotts. This is just the same kind of corporate synergy conservatives used to get horny for, but now they hate it because it hurts their feelings to see people they judge being treated with human empathy.”

Servers at Disney World will not need to perform any genital inspections to see who qualifies for the free Bud Light.

“No, we won’t need to pull down anyone’s pants to inspect what they’re packing,” our source said. “This is Florida, but not all of us behave like we’re part of the DeSantis gender inquisition squad. We know how to treat people with basic kindness and respect around here.”

RELATED: Anheuser-Busch Selling $400 Special Edition Boycott Cases of Bud Light for Target Practice


Wow! That’s a sweet perk! satire DisneyWorld RonDeSantis Budlight #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #politics #politik #transrights

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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