Freshman Democrat Offers Trump Thoughts and Prayers Instead of a Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. — One of the numerous new Democratic members of the House of Representatives has floated an idea that he thinks may break the stalemate that’s keeping the U.S. government largely shut down for what will soon be its third straight week.

Speaking to reporters outside the rotunda, Rep. Mike Malloy (D-CA) told reporters that he thinks he can offer something that President Trump and his entire party can “rally behind like they’ve always done.” According to Malloy, he will take his proposal later this week to newly re-elected House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), but will first do what all Democratic legislators swear a blood oath to do, and have George Soros put his personal stamp of approval on it. Once Soros and Pelosi approve, Malloy says he will try to schedule a meeting with President Trump.

“Put simply, I’m going to tell Trump and his party that our offer is for them to use thoughts and prayers to resolve this crisis they say exists,” Malloy said. “I don’t know if they’re going to build the wall out of them, or simply use them to shield America from illegal-immigrants. That’s not up to me to decide, it’s just up to me to gather all our thoughts and prayers and hand deliver them.”

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Malloy says that while the monetary value of the thoughts and prayers is nothing, Trump and his fellow Republicans “should have no problem” using them to fix whatever problems they see on the country’s southern border.

“This is the same exact solution they say would fix the gun violence epidemic in this country, so why can’t it also fix their made-up immigration problem too? That was my thinking anyway,” Malloy said. “I could be wrong, but it seems like they’re always really keen on the power of thoughts and prayers, so maybe it’s time for them to show us all just how well they work.”

It’s unclear at this time if Trump would accept Malloy’s proposal. If the shutdown lasts through tomorrow, it will become the longest shutdown in American history. Sources within the White House say Trump is is excited at the prospect of his administration overseeing another historic first.

This story is developing.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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