The president faces a re-election bid later this year, and is currently facing impeachment charges from the House. When he ran and won in 2016, while most dictionaries would have called his victory a “nightmarish fluke from the pits of Hell,” the president and his cadre of cohorts deemed as “potentially historic.” Being impeached while running for re-election undoubtedly confirms those predictions.
One of Trump’s most-often used political tools has been his klanmpaign rallies. Part book burning, part rowdy demolition derby/hate speech poetry slam, as the rallies are held at least every few weeks. The lynching party atmosphere is attributed to the fact that the rallies are usually held in a red state. It’s unclear why the president has never held one of his “Make America Great Again” or “Keep America Great” rallies in a state he didn’t easily carry in 2016, however some have speculated it might be because if he did hold a rally in a state less friendly to his brand of politics, he’d be greeted not with an arena full of cheering supporters, but would instead by greeted with a situation not unlike when he attended the World Series in the nation’s capital last fall.
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During the most recent rally, Trump railed against his usual targets — the media, Democrats, and just about anyone who has criticized him or his administration’s policies. Mr. Trump has never really stopped campaigning, even after he took office in January of 2017. He’s averaged at least one such rally each and every month of his presidency. While attempting to help keep state and congressional offices Republican controlled, Trump has even held rallies in some states more than once in a week.
Trump and his surrogates often use the rallies as a way to demonstrate how popular he is, despite all standard public opinion polls showing him to have the absolute lowest approval rating of any man to hold the office. Trump’s team argues that because thousands of people show up to the rallies, he must be a very popular president. Critics of this argument point out that Trump’s rallies are held in places where he’s already more popular than the national average anyway, and so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he can draw that many people in a part of the country he carried in 2016.
A new study is being conducted based on the attendance of this week’s rally, however. The data analysis firm behind the study says they’re trying to get to the bottom of whether the collective intelligence of those who attend MAGA or KAGA rallies is higher or lower than the national average. In other words, they’re trying to ascertain if there are more people than IQ points at an average Trump rally.
“We’re certain that the average IQ of the rally crowd attendees is far less than the national average, but that’s not what we’re trying to figure out with this study,” Dr. Henrietta Jones told reporters today. “Low-IQ Trump supporters aren’t anything new. What we’re trying to get answers on is just how low the IQ in the room is, and whether or not the majority of those in attendance have single digit, or extremely low double-digit IQs.”
Jones is the chief researcher at the National Institute of Math and Counting Stuff, and she said she and her team are attempting something quite historic in nature.
“No one has ever confirmed if there’s such a thing as a negative IQ, but if we’re ever going to have a chance to do just that, it’s by polling the intelligence of Trump rally goers,” Jones explained. “For instance, if you go into a room with ten people and add up their IQs, you’ll probably get a number somewhere in the four digit range, give or take. We’re not saying everyone’s a genius out there, with genius level IQs. We’re just saying on average, three digit IQs aren’t that rare. At a Trump rally though, we have to wonder, don’t we?”
While Jones says she and her staff aren’t expecting any “major surprises,” the idea of possibly proving that negative IQs “are a thing” has them all abuzz.
“Frankly, voting for a D-list reality TV show host with a lifelong penchant for fraud, lies, and self-aggrandizing egomania and expecting him to be a good, well-loved president is a negative-IQ thing to do,” Jones said. “But we want to be as scientific as we can in our research, and prove whether that’s metaphoric or not.”
The preliminary data seems to bear out that, somehow, there were more humans than IQ points in the arena this week.
“I know it doesn’t seem possible. I know that as soon as someone has an IQ of literally 2 it would skew toward there being more IQ points than people but,” Jones said, “I’m looking at the raw numbers, and it really does seem like there were more than a few negative IQs there. I mean, other than the president and his family, of course.”
Dr. Jones says the full results of the study are expected by the end of the next quarter. By then, she expects Trump will have held another twenty or more rallies, and she’s not ruling out sending her team to at least some of them. The data gathered could be “vital” to their conclusions, she said.
“The more single digit IQs we find, the lower the total will be, and the closer we’ll come to figuring out if there are more people or IQ points at a Trump rally,” Jones said. “Math is math. Then again, we’re studying people who think Trickle Down economics works, and that there were WMD in Iraq, so we just never know what rubicon we’ll cross when studying Trumpers, honestly.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.