Biden Offers to Let Obama Have First SCOTUS Pick as a “McConnell Mulligan”

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee and former Vice President Joe Biden has, by all accounts, quite a strong relationship with his former boss. The bond between biden and former President Barack Obama is undeniable, and comes across as a natural camaraderie, forged by eight years in two of the most stressful jobs in the country. The loyalty shared between the two men is unmistakable, and particularly in light of news that’s just now being reported.

According to several sources close to the situation, Biden is planning to do something quite unprecedented. The Constitution grants presidents the power to nominate Supreme Court justices. Over the years, it’s become one of the most important and sought after powers a president possesses, with both political parties and their voters understanding quite keenly the enormous role the highest court plays in American society. If he’s elected to replace Donald Trump this November, Biden has apparently decided to cede his first Supreme Court nomination to Obama.

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“The way Vice President Biden sees it,” one campaign official was quoted as saying, “his old boss was disrespected and cheated out of one of his Constitutional powers by a racist tortoise with a penchant for sexually assaulting lumps of Kentucky coal. In order to rectify that transgression, Joe feels it’s wholly appropriate to hand over his pick to President Obama, who by all rights should have gotten to make his final selection after Justice Antonin Scalia did the universe a favor and died.”

It’s not quite clear just yet whether this decision would be constitutional, but Biden is reportedly ready to fight it out in court. The former Vice President feels strongly that it would be a “form of presidential reparations” and that the “country owes one” to Obama. On the first day of his administration, Biden will officially ask President Obama for a list of Supreme Court nominees, and he will choose someone from that list at the first opportunity he gets to make a selection.

“Vice President Biden is calling the McConnell Mulligan. He knows that President Trump will understand what mulligan means because of how much time he’s spend during his tenure in office on one of his golf courses,” another campaign official told us. “Joe’s also very much so willing to take this fight all the way to the Supreme Court if needs me.”

If intimating that he’d let Obama choose his first Supreme Court justice wasn’t triggering to Trump supporters enough, finding out who Biden is considering for his second pick, should he get one, could possibly send them into a violent frenzy.

“Once President Obama has gotten restorative justice and selected Joe’s first nominee, Joe plans to nominate Barack to be his second Supreme Court pick,” Biden’s aide told us. “We want to be careful and make sure that hospitals have enough beds ready, because that will probably give a lot of rednecks a lot of heart attacks.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has reportedly begun contacting lawyers to see if it’s possible for him to simply strip any future presidents of the right to select Supreme Court justices, and instead permanently enshrine that power in the Republican Party’s charter.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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