Babylon Bee Staff Identify as Comedians Though They Share Only One Joke Between Them

In practice, they’re a cadre of Christofascists who wrap their theocratic beliefs in the banner of alleged “satire.” However, on paper and official government forms, the staff of The Babylon Bee identifies as “comedians.” This, despite the fact that as far as most people with a lukewarm intelligence can discern, the staff share just one joke between them.

“______ Identifies as ______”

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Clearly, this joke is hilarious to transphobes and other people who enjoy making fun of things simply because they don’t like them. However, outside of that group of people, often referred to as “asshole bully religious kook fucknuts” in the common vernacular, the question remains, “Who else thinks of The Babylon Bee as comedy?” And if the answer to that question is, “no one,” is their staff wise to call themselves comedians?

We reached out to several experts, and here’s what they told us.

Burt Thompson, Road Comic: Uh, I don’t know if it’s legal for them to claim to be comedians, but sure is stupid of them to do it. I mean, my dad tells the same joke at every Thanksgiving dinner, and nobody thinks of him as a comedian.

Lauren Smith Wilson, Writer/Comedian: I shit out sixteen jokes an hour. Most of them never get heard or shared with anyone. But that’s what comedians do. They come up with new shit all the time, and they try it out. If it dies, it does,but they don’t just keep using the same fucking joke for ten years thinking it’s the only joke they ever need to make.

Katie Macalby, 3, Toddler: Admittedly, I’m only three years old and my exposure to comedy has been as limited as one might expect someone my age to be. But even I can tell that The Babylon Bee is bigoted garbage masquerading as legitimate comedy when all it does is criticize the marginalized groups that the best satire actually defends.

Speculation is that The Babylon Bee can’t afford to pay actual comedians to come up with new jokes, so they recycle the one they’ve got and hire people that will let them use their names as bylines. Other rumors are that the website is really just an evangelical church, not a pretend-satire outlet.

The Babylon Bee couldn’t be reached for comment because they were too busy hiring writers to retell their one joke for another dozen and a half stories before the end of the day.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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