Congressional Democrat Worries About Alabama’s ‘Sanctuary Cities for Pedophiles’

"If these allegations are true, it means that at least one city in Alabama has been harboring a pedophile."

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, an explosive exposé in The Washington Post on Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore, a Republican running for a chance to occupy the U.S. Senate seat once held by Attorney General Jeff Sessions, levied allegations of a serial predation by Moore on underage girls. The report details accounts of Moore’s interactions with several girls that were the ages of fourteen to seventeen years old. The implication from the story is that at one point in his life Moore, a judge and politician who has made his career preaching Christian morality, attempted to have sexual contact with teenage girls when he was in his thirties, perhaps even older.

Democratic Rep. Trip Dickleson says that he has “grave concerns” about the allegations against Moore, and says that they perhaps reveal an even larger problem that needs to be solved in Moore’s home state of Alabama.

“Let’s be honest here,” Dickleson told the media, “if these allegations are true, it means that at least one city in Alabama has been harboring a pedophile, protecting him, and even electing him to high office. And I have to wonder if there aren’t more sanctuary cities for pedophiles in that state.”

Dickleson says he wants to petition his fellow Democrats in congress to push for an investigation of Alabama’s potential protection of pedophiles, and he hopes to even get some Republicans to sign onto his request.

“They say they want to protect the innocent when they put restrictions on abortion. So maybe if they pretend Moore’s victims weren’t born yet when he sexually harassed them, they’ll find a way to get behind this investigation.”

Rep. Dickleson believes Alabama deserves extra scrutiny beyond its potential aiding and abetting of sexual predators. Dickelson believes they might also be helping to harbor another “dangerous and un-American group of people.”

“Racist cookie elves,” Dickleson said, “Obviously this state has a problem with pedophiles and racist cookie elves.”

Dickleson plans to also ask the Department of Justice to withhold funding to Alabama’s justice system and law enforcement agencies until they can prove their state is not actively shielding pedophiles and racist cookie elves from due process and the rule of law.

“It’s simple, if you want me to believe that your state isn’t just a safe haven for dangerous, delusional, religious extremists, then start prosecuting pedophiles and racist cookie elves,” Dickleson said.

Judge Moore could not be reached for comment.


More satire to read:

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Blames Obama’s ‘Residual Sharia Voodoo’ For Republicans Losing Big In Virginia

Comments

comments

More from James Schlarmann