Woman Who Was in Elementary School in the 60’s: Bernie Sanders’ Civil Rights Arrest ‘No Big Deal’

BOCA CALLÀTE, FLORIDA — Betty Wimple is a die-hard Hillary Clinton supporter. She says that she has “had it up to here” with Bernie Sanders supporters “overplaying” the fact that Sanders was arrested in the 1960’s at the University of Chicago, where he was protesting the school’s segregation. Wimple said she was “angry and upset” recently when she made a comment in a Facebook group for liberals to that effect.

“Handcuffed and chained and dragged–and that makes him different from how many protesters in the 60s. And then he went home and did next to nothing for the next 2 decades.”

Ms. Wimple said her comment got hundreds of replies from angry Sanders supporters asking her if she’d ever walked in a picket line, or marched for the rights of others, much less volunteer to be arrested and subject to Jim Crow era police brutality, and she said those questions are “dumb and irrelevant.”

“Did I ever get arrested for something I believe in? Of course not,” Wimple told us, “but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t talk shit on people who have, does it?”

Betty told us she doesn’t get how people can’t be more impressed with the fact that Hillary Clinton, a white woman, infiltrated an Alabama school to expose its racism is “more important” and “shows way more Civil Rights-y stuff” than being arrested does.

“I mean, sure, the risk to Clinton was relatively low given that she was a white southern woman who would have been trusted from the start,” Wimple said, “and maybe it’s actually dumb to have a political pissing contest over this, but we cannot have the American public thinking Bernie Sanders was a Civil Rights hero, not when we have a predestined president to install — er I mean elect!”

Ultimately, Wimple says her devotion to Hillary’s cause trumps the logical side of her brain that would normally tell her that someone being arrested during a civil rights protest is absolutely, positively a heroic thing to do. She said that “electing our first woman president” is much more important than “intellectual honesty.” And she said she didn’t care if she turned Sanders supporters her party would need in the General Election because “they’ll probably be too high to vote,” which she said was not a Republican talking point at all.

“Oh, wonderful, so Bernie surrendered all his freedom symbolically once so that he could stand up for those who lost their freedom daily, and you Bernie BroBots think that means he’s some kind of Civil Rights hero,” Wimple asked, “well, whatever to you, is what I say. Your vote is your own, but just realize if you don’t vote for Hillary you’re a sexist socialist BernieBotBro, period. Disagreeing with us gets you labeled what you are — a non-group thinker, and as you know, liberals are supposed to be the ones who discourage questioning the status quo, right? Or is that conservatives? Oh well, whatever, Vote for Hillary!”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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