White Nationalist Having Taylor Swift Tattoo Lasered Off

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — White nationalist and pro-Trump poccaster Jethro Bohiggins says he feels “utterly and completely betrayed” since late Sunday afternoon, and he’s going to extreme measures to make himself feel better.

“I just don’t get it! How could Taylor Swift do this to her clearly MAGA fan base,” Jethro howled at his audience this week. “I just assumed she was staying quiet and apolitical to, like, throw the libtards off her scent, but I guess she was doin’ cuz she was afraid of some angry mob coming for her because we don’t like her views.”

Jethro spat into a nearby “Lock Her Up” mug.

“And that’s just crazy to me, we’re not some angry mob,” Jethro said. “Excuse me, I gotta turn down the TV. It’s still got last night’s Trump rally on, and I don’t want the shouts of ‘She’s a Criminal Cunt’ and ‘The Media are the Enemy of the People’ to get in the way of my show, fam.”

What got Bohiggins’ knickers in a twist was an Instagram post singer/songwriter Taylor Swift posted to her Instagram account. In the post, Swift acknowledges that she has intentionally steered clear of political debates in her career, but that the events of 2016 and after compelled her to speak out, now ahead of the 2018 midterm elections.

“So you know what I did, fam? I made a few calls to find someone who does laser tattoo removal,” Bohiggins told his audience. “I gotta say, fam, I was surprised by how many laser tattoo removal places there are in Tennessee, but I had to explain to every single one I didn’t wanna take off my Klan tats.”

Jethro says that he has an appointment next week to have his Taylor Swift tattoo removed.

“Technically I gots two of tats that are Taylor-centric,” Jethro admitted. “I have her on one arm, and my favorite T. Swift lyrics as a tramp stamp. The lyrics are staying, for now. She has until the midterms to show she’s not a libtarded lady cuck, or they get wiped out, too.”

Bohiggins informed his audience his show would be on a brief hiatus while he recovered from having his Taylor Swift tattoo removed.

See Swift’s Instagram post, below:

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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