White House Caters Cinco de Mayo Luncheon with Taco Bell

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration continued its recent trend of catering events at the White House using fast food restaurant items today. At a special luncheon held in the Rose Garden, attendees were treated to an assortment of culinary delights from Taco Bell.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate something really spectacular,” President Trump told reporters and those who were invited to the luncheon, “It’s almost the anniversary of me entering the 2016 presidential race, and making my amazing promise that Mexico would pay for a border wall. I’ll never forget how I felt calling the majority of Mexicans rapists, drug dealers, and murderers.”

An aide whispered in Trump’s ear.

“What? Oh, right,” Trump said, acknowledging the staffer and simultaneously grabbing her by the crotch, “We’re also here to celebrate something to do with Mexico, I guess. That’s why we invited all of you here.”

Trump pointed to his audience, which was made up entirely of the Twitter users who retweet his anti-immigrant tweets.

“There’s @TrumpTrain12345, and there’s @TrumpTrain78910, oh! And there’s @MagaGuyTotallyRealAmericanMan,” Trump said. “Great to have you all here. Of course, we didn’t invite any Mexican Americans, or even anyone who might, you know, LOOK Mexican-ish. This is the White House and we intend to keep it that way.”

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The president first made headlines by catering an official event with fast food when he had the Clemson Tiger college football team at the White House. The Tigers had just won the NCAA’s national championship, and Trump decided to host them during a government shutdown. The team was treated to tray after tray of hamberders from McDonald’s and other assorted fast food items.

“I figured that there was no better, more authentic way to pay tribute to the people who will pay for my glorious wall than with Taco Bell,” Trump announced. “So please, enjoy the Nachos Bel Grande on me.”

During the 2016 presidential election, Trump famously tweeted a photo of himself eating a “taco bowl” from the kitchen at Trump Tower on Cinco de Mayo. Today, he considered having taco bowls flown down from Trump Tower, but decided to keep up his “bigly presidenty tradition” and cater from Taco Bell instead.

“I’d go with Chipotle, but they’re always full of angry liberal Democrats,” Trump said. “Besides, when people think of authentic Mexican food and diarrhea, first they think of me, and then eventually they think of Taco Bell.”

Mr. Trump said there was a reason that people should be “extra excited” about the Taco Bell luncheon.

“I’m gonna get Mexico to pay for it,” Trump said. “They’re already used to paying for tacos and stuff, so I think I can just sneak the bill in on top of other taco bills. Bing-bang-boom-presidentin’.”

Guests were treated to piles of soft tacos, crunchy tacos, Mexican pizzas, and nachos. Trump showed up for five minutes, shoveled a handful of taco meat into his big duster coat pockets, and waved goodbye to everyone.

“I have a special meeting with the First Lady that I can’t miss, everyone, so please excuse me,” Trump said. “You do not want to keep Ivanka waiting.”

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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