Trump Boys Wish Happy Veterans Day to ‘All The Doggy and Kitty Doctors in America’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — After watching their father deliver a speech written by White House Senior White Nationalism Adviser Stephen Miller in his former hometown of New York City, President Donald Trump’s second and third smartest male children issued a joint statement of thanks to the nation’s vets, signed by both of them.

Eric and Donald Trump Jr. wrote a brief but heartfelt message that they would later tell Sean Hannity in a radio interview they hoped to “shut the libtarded, violent left up” and “unite the country” behind their father.

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“Sean, this country owes such a debt of gratitude to our vets,” Donald Jr. told Hannity, “and unlike the malcontent, angry, violent, ungrateful left, the Trump family knows how to honor vets. We love vets. No one loves vets more than we do.”

Eric Trump completely agreed with his brother, Don Jr.

“I completely agree with my brother, Don Jr,” Eric chimed in. “The evil, vicious, gross, disgusting left are barely Americans. In fact, I’ve asked Diddums several times if he even has to president them because they’re so vicious and mean with all their accountability and not wanting an obvious white collar crook running the country. That’s why they hate our vets, but we Trumps LOVE our vets!”

Hannity told the Trump boys he could “really sense” their “sincerity, integrity, and honesty.”

“And if anyone knows about sincerity, integrity, and honesty, it’s me and all of us at Fox News,” Hannity said before tossing to a commercial. “After the break, we’ll talk about Pizzagate and whether Seth Rich got a Benghazi tattoo before Killary Clit-Stoned had him suicided. You won’t wanna miss this, folks.”

Trump Jr, who has a book on projecting all your shortcomings onto liberals out now, told Hannity that he finds it “morally disgusting how poorly vets are treated” by America’s liberals.

“They only thank them after their puppers gets sick, or their kitty gets the sniffles,” Donald Jr. said. “I find that horrible. I find that absolutely horrible. And I want nothing more than to just simply say to all our country’s vets, thank you. At least we Trumps know how you’re supposed to be respected.”

You can read Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump’s letter to America’s vets, below:

To All the Dog and Kitty Doctors in America,

We wanted to take time out today and specifically thank you for all the work you do. Our country’s doggies and meow-meows would never be as safe, as healthy, or loved, as they are thanks to your efforts. Veterans Day is so very important to the entire Trump family, especially your dear president and our father (because he hasn’t disowned us this week yet!). We always look forward to Veterans Day, and he is always the first one to grab a pussy…and take it to the vet so it can get its shots!

The libtarded left in this country wants to disrespect you at every turn. You probably never even see libtards in your offices, or treat libtarded hamsters or turtles, huh? We bet liberals just drive by your office and flip you off, tell you your hands are small, and that you have a mangled, disgusting penis, just like they do to Dear President Daddy! It’s sickening and disgusting that they don’t love, honor, and cherish him just because he might break a lot of laws, use the federal government like his own personal piggy bank, and routinely insults people for not voting for or supporting him! 

But we don’t want to take up all your precious time reminding you how absolutely horrible and gross libtards are, okay? We want to focus only on how much we love you, the doggy and kitten doctors of America, and how much we honor you every single day, but ex-specially on Vets Day! We salute you!

As a token of our appreciation, we’re giving you all, the Vets of America, two free nights in a Trump hotel. You have to bring your own bed bug repellant, and a major credit card with enough room on it to cover the cost of your room, of course. But it’s a completely free stay once you pay off your card! 

Thank you all so much for taking care of our dogs and cats. We will never forget your sacrifices!



Bye Bye,

Donuld and Ark

The Trump Boys

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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