WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a largely unsurprising and non-shocking turn of events, the concentration camps currently under management of the Trump administration have filed papers in federal court today, seeking Chapter 11 bankruptcy protections.
“Anyone who has followed the various business ventures undertaken by President Donald Trump in his private sector days will understand this development was, essentially, unavoidable,” outgoing Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters, pulverized chocolate croissant dust still escaping from her nostrils, having just smashed it and snorted it like so much cocaine in a 1970’s era Elton John recording session.
Huckabee Sanders told reporters that when President Trump started having the families who were separated as they allegedly crossed illegally into the United States put into camps, he chose the people who he trusted most to run those camps.
“Namely, the president chose his sons Uday and Qussay and his daughter First Lady Ivanka,” Huckabee Sanders said. “While the president is disappointed that the camps couldn’t stay financially solvent longer, President Trump is extremely pleased to see that his well-documented business acumen has been passed down to his children, who were running the camps.”
It’s unclear whether or not it’s entirely legal for the Trump children to be running federal facilities. Reportedly, the president isn’t concerned with such legalities, however. Mr. Trump has, according to several sources within the administration, decided that Attorney General William Barr’s handling of the Mueller Report has given him a blank check, legally speaking, to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
“Between AG Barr and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnelll’s behavior,” Huckabee Sanders said explained, “it’s obvious that the president is not above the law, but it just simply does not apply to him. So is it legal, strictly speaking for the Trump Organization to be running these kiddie koncentration kamps for profit? Maybe, maybe not. But the president feels asking that question is a distraction from the real crisis facing Americans — Barack Obama was president once…while black, even! If it’s legal for him to be president with dark skin, surely it’s legal for Trump to round up browns and break up their families, right, fam? Of course I’m right, I’m saying words with passion and emotion, and that’s all the president’s base needs.”
At this point in time, it’s unclear exactly what the path forward, financially speaking, for the concentration camps will be. Huckabee Sanders said that President Trump is considering selling them off. However, there is another option.
“Frankly, the conditions in most of these camps are heartbreaking, unsanitary, unhygienic, and beyond disgusting,” Huckabee Sanders admitted. “However, they’d still all get higher reviews than any Trump Hotel property, so there’s an outside chance the president will just convert them into hotels and slap his name on them.”
This is a developing story.
Another Story: MAGA Boy: “They Ain’t Concentration Camps, They’re Guarded Compounds For The Imprisonment Of Ethnic Minorities!”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.