Trump Voter Blames ‘BLM Terrorists’ For Iowa’s White Confederate Cop Killer

HOBART, ARKANSAS — When 46-year-old Scott Michael Greene was arrested for the ambush-style murder of two police officers in Iowa, Donald Trump supporter Clem O’Connell knew exactly who to blame.

“Every good, God-fearing, ammo-hoarding patriot knows that the only times law enforcement are targeted,” Clem told his podcast audience this week, “is when it involved Black Lives Matters.”

Though Greene is a middle-aged white male like Clem, and despite the fact that Greene was seen waving a Confederate Flag in counter-protest to Black Lives Matters earlier this year, O’Connell believes that it’s not at all Greene’s fault that he murdered to police officers. Instead, he called Black Lives Matters protesters “ignorant” and said they were “terrorists” who filled Greene with so much anger he “had no other choice but to murder” the cops.

“BLM terrorists are the ones to blame,” Clem told his podcast listeners, “because they go around willy-nilly accusing cops of negligence or criminality just because they, like, make a routine stop and somehow wind-up killing unarmed black men or whatever. Constantly reminding people that you’re systemically mistreated is fine if you’re white and complaining about taxes, but if you’re black and are complaining about racist cops, that’s just going to make someone like Greene angry to the point of murder.”

“If only they’d respect cops more, then Greene wouldn’t have had to murder two cops to teach them a lesson, get it?”

During his podcast rant, Clem told his audience that some “libtarded libtards in the mainstream and social media circles” will draw comparisons between Greene and other anti-government conservatives like Timothy McVeigh, the Bundy family that participated in two armed standoffs with federal agents in the last two years, and the occupiers of Ruby Ridge in the 1990’s. Mr. O’Connell called those comparisons “poppycock” and said that all of those “good patriots” as well as Greene deserve medals of honor. Clem also said he sees a clear difference between those groups and Black Lives Matters.

“I mean, you can kinda tell just by, you know, looking at them,” O’Connell said, “that they’re different from most of us. You know, different, if you know what I mean.”

Ultimately, Clem says that he’s “all in favor of the Constitution and the First Amendment,” but people shouldn’t exercise their rights to protest if it might upset “certain individuals.”

“Certain individuals in this country will get upset if they think you’re disrespecting America,” Clem said, “because those certain individuals are the only ones who really know the right, proper way to complain about the government — gay wedding cake protests, open carry events at Starbucks, and calling all taxes theft. You risk alienating a lot of people who weren’t going to give you what you wanted because it somehow threatens their livelihoods if you’ve got the same rights they do. And when you alienate that many people, you might just see Trump win next week, just sayin’.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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