Trump Asks if Israel Would Like a Visit from Some “Very Fine People” from Charlottesville Instead of the Squad

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump reached out to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to offer his support for banning Democratic Congresswomen Rep. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib from entering Israel. The two freshman congressional representatives are the only two female Muslims in Congress, but Netanyahu said it was their support of the “BDS” movement, which seeks to divest the U.S. from the influence of Israel’s secular government’s lobbyist, that cost them the ability to enter his country. The women are accused by Netanyahu and the American right of being Anti-Semitic, despite repeated attempts to explain their stance as being critical of the Israeli government, not the religious practice of Judaism.

Not only did Trump back Netanyahu up on Twitter, twice, he reportedly told Netanyahu this morning he wanted to send some “very special, very fine people from Charlottesville” to visit Israel in place of Tlaib and Omar. While many who attended the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville were white nationalists and chanted anti-Semitic things, Trump believes they’d “really be keen on visiting Jew Land, or whatever it’s called.” He told Netanyahu as much.

“Benjy my Jew-Jew-bee! How the fuck are you, dude? This is the President. Of AMERICA,” Trump said, presuming Netanyahu wouldn’t be able to recognize his trademark accent and gravelly voice. “Hey, smart move on the whole Squad thing. I don’t know about you, but I get such an Obama’s real birth certificate vibe from that whole Squad, Benjy!”

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President Trump, while on the phone with Netanyahu, said that he believes that many of his “bravest and whitest” supporters would love to visit Israel.
“Not because they like your kind, of course, Benjy. After all, they made it very clear that Jews will NOT replace them,” Trump said, “but they’re Christofascist lunatics obsessed with the end times, which I guess have to take place in Israel for some reason. Something about a Bible or whatever; I don’t know. Never read it. Bo-ring!”

The president indicated that he could “reach out through various channels” and arrange for some of the tiki torch carrying mob that defended a Confederate monument in Charlottesville in 2017 to visit Israel “right away.”

“And you’re gonna just love the graffiti they’ll do to your stuff, Benj,” Trump indicated, “they do this thing called Swat-Sticker. Like a broken cross. I think your people will dig it. Thank God you banned those jerk Democrat bitches, too, Benj. They’re very anti-Jew, and not in the good way like the very fine people we’re talking about. They have the right kind of Jew hate, don’t they?”

By the time of publication, PM Netanyahu had yet to reply to Trump’s query.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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