Moron Leader Gives His Idiot Cult Permission to Get Vaccinated From Disease He Downplayed

Experts tend to agree that in order for America to truly recover from the covid-19 pandemic outbreak and its economic fallout is to get as many people vaccinated as it takes to reach “herd immunity.” Estimates vary, but the bottom line is that while progress is certainly being made, it will still take weeks and months for enough Americans to have been vaccinated that would allow an easing of the health protocols that have drastically upended the nation’s economy.

Any communities or demographics of people that are hesitant to get vaccinated, therefore, pose a threat to the country’s recovery. One such group that has been reluctant to commit to vaccinating themselves has emerged — male members of the Cult of the Mushroom Dong, a group of religious and political extremists that believe the last election was “stolen” from the president at the time, despite exhaustive investigations and dozens of court battles producing absolutely no proof of a conspiracy big enough to have changed the certified results. That president significantly downplayed the virus at first, and his administration’s stilted, uneven, often times PR-driven approach to handling it likely led to thousands more lives being lost that could have been prevented.

RELATED: Can You Guess Which Insurrection Inspiring Idiot Told Fox News He Still Believes He Won the Election?

This week, cult’s leader, a registered moron, finally gave his blessing and encouraged his followers to get their covid-19 vaccine. In an interview on his former propaganda network, the former president said that even though he loves and cherishes the freedom of every American, he still would “recommend” the covid-19 vaccine.

“Is it as good for your health as injecting bleach or taking that high-doxy bullshit I talked about last year? Prolly not,” the cult leader said, “but I still think it’s okay if my people, my glorious MAGAs, do go out and get their shots. I hear it’s something even Mike Pence — you know, my VP that I tried to have murdered by my cult’s mob —  doesn’t mind a guy jabbing him with, WINK WINK!”

The Biden Administration hopes to have enough adults vaccinated by July 4th so that Americans can have celebratory parties in small groups by then.

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

MORE: McConnell Blasts Dems for Wanting to Change the Filibuster ‘Like That A-Hole McConnell Changed the Filibuster’

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This