Trump Not Sure What to Say If He’s Asked Under Oath Whether He Loves Don Jr.

According to sources within the Trump family, defeated and twice permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump is feeling nervous about a New York judge ordering that he and two of his crotch fruit sit for depositions within the next three weeks.

Since leaving office last year, a steady stream of financial and legal troubles for the Trump Organization has turned into a flood.

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Things went from bad to worse when Mazars, Trump’s accounting firm for years, retracted ten years’ of financial statements and effectively ended their relationship with the Trump family. Then, it went from worse to indescribably terrible when a New York judge ordered that former President Trump, Donald Trump Jr, and former First Lady Ivanka Trump must all sit for a deposition by no later than three weeks from now.

Mr. Trump is reportedly experiencing deep anxiety about the prospect of having to tell the truth, under oath. He doesn’t want to put himself in any further legal jeopardy with an answer, and there’s one question in particular that he’s apparently most nervous about being asked.

“For more than forty years, the former president has managed to duck and dodge answering this question directly, and he was really hoping he’d die never having to do so,” one family source told Politics Weekly. “If he’s asked whether or not he loves Donald Jr, it could be absolutely disastrous for him. The last thing he wants to do is perjure himself.”

Within the Trump family, the answer to the question is an “open secret,” according to the same source.

“Not even Don Jr is unsure what the real answer is, of course. The fact that the elder Don doesn’t love the younger Don has been an open secret within the family almost since Don Jr was born,” the source said. “Apparently, Don Trump prefers the children of his who he’d like to fingerblast. So, if anything, he’s hoping he gets asked about wanting to fingerblast Ivanka under oath because it’ll be much easier for him to talk about that truthfully.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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