46th Smartest President Allowed Back on Facebook and Instagram

Citing their policy to be “open to humans of all intelligence levels,” Meta has announced that they will lift their ban, and the 46th smartest President of the United States will be allowed to post on Facebook and Instagram soon.

Two years ago, after he used their platforms to foment a failed coup following his truly embarrassing defeat at the hands of Sleepy Joe Biden, Meta kicked Donald J. Trump off their sites. It would appear that after consulting with Sen. Susan Collins, the consensus is that Trump must have surely learned his lesson, has been rehabilitated, and should be allowed to post racist screeds, conspiracy theories, and attempts to subvert American self-governance once again.

That is, as long as he’s willing to give Mark Zuckerberg more money.

At a press conference today, Zuckerberg explained in more detail why he and the rest of Meta’s executive team decided now was the time to let Donald Trump back on their sites.

“As anyone who has been on Facebook long enough to peruse Marjorie Taylor Greene’s or Lauren Boebert’s posts could tell, if they hadn’t already been to Jim Jordan’s Facebook page that is,” Zuckerberg told reporters, “we love stupid people on Facebook and Instagram. In fact, just imagine what our websites would look like if there weren’t any idiotic people posting dumb bullshit! Would it be a better, more pleasant experience? Of course. But would I make as much money without the rage bait and racist conspiracy theories your uncle shares from Dan Bunghole’s website? I didn’t think so.”

In a written statement, Trump praised the decision to let him back on Facebook and Instagram, and said it “no way, shape or form proves how much a failure Truth Social is.”

“Everyone, literally everyone, loves Truth Social, and that’s why there are six trillion people on it every day, mostly telling me how I won, and that I have a normal looking and shaped penis,” Trump wrote. “So, no, this doesn’t indicate that I have been just itching to rejoin the real social networks that real people use because my social media thingy is so, you know, full of cancer or whatever. See you back on Facestagram, you loser-ass bitchesssssss!”

@jamboschlarmbo How do you feel about #Facebook letting #Trump back on? #satire #politicalsatire #politics #political #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This