WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the time of publication, the White House has indicated President Donald Trump now understands that the Christotaliban publication The Babylon Bee is supposed to be satire, but that he will still “from time to time” tweet a Bee article as if it’s true.
This morning, Trump tweeted a Bee article that claimed Twitter shutdown its entire network to stop the spread of a New York Post article that alleged corruption on the part of Joe Biden’s son Hunter, while his father was Vice President of the United States. The accusations have not been verified, and the sources for the Post article have already been called into question by several media fact checkers. It would appear that Post might have relied on information provided through Russian contacts attempting to use Rudy Giuliani as a conduit through which to maunder their disinformation.
Twitter Shuts Down Entire Network To Slow Spread Of Negative Biden News https://t.co/JPmjOrKPcr via @TheBabylonBee Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this. Bringing more attention to Sleepy Joe & Big T— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2020
“President Trump has been briefed on the fact that The Bablyon Bee is the kind of fake news he accuses actual news sources of being, except it’s fake in his favor,” Press Secretary Lying FuckFace McGee told reporters on the White House lawn this afternoon. “That being said, he’s told me he has no plans to stop sharing their content, because his base likes it, and he is in favor of anything his base likes. On an unrelated note, the president will be lighting a giant cross on fire on the White House lawn tonight, and plans on making incest the official fuck act of the Republican platform.”
Right on cue, just after McGee told reporters the president will continue to promote Babylon Bee’s content, the president tweeted a newly published piece from the pro-religious right website. The article, entitled “735 Ways to Say the N-Word and Trigger Stupid Libs Who Think We’re Cool With Racists,” is exactly what it advertises itself to be. Listing 735 different scenarios in which the n-word could be brought up, the Bee article uses the racial epithet, uncensored, in each scenario.
“This article is so good! It’s absolutely HILARIOUS! Shows how crazy AOC Nancy Pelosi squad hate our beautiful free speech,” Trump tweeted as commentary on the article, “and this article shows you how to use that perfect word, which the left wants to take away from you just like your God and guns, against them!”
When Trump was asked by reporters later in the day why he tweeted an article that contained over 700 uses of one of the most offensive words in the English language, he made a “jack off” motion with his right hand.
“Oh, whatever. Frankly, I’ve never gotten why everyone is so uptight about a word. It’s just a word,” Trump said. “It’s not a concentration camp or a forced hysterectomy! Good God people! Just read the word, laugh like I do wherever I read it, and get on with your lives!”
Current polling shows Vice President Biden opening up a widening national lead, and losing ground in key battleground states. There are less than 25 days to go before the November 3rd election.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.