Trump: ‘When The President Does It, That Means It’s Not Obstruction of Justice or Treason’

AIR FORCE ONE — While on his official first international trip since being sworn in, temporary President Donald Trump stunned reporters by agreeing to answer questions about the appointment of a special counsel to head the investigation into campaign’s possible collusion with Russia to hack the elections last year. Trump also took questions about his divulging of Israeli intelligence to Russian envoys in the Oval Office last week during a meeting that was closed to western media, but attended by Russian state media.

One reporter asked Trump he felt that the president has a right to give a hostile foreign power intelligence. The reporter added that the intelligence Trump gave one of the United States’ biggest and most aggressive agitators intel from an ally that didn’t give permission for it to be shared, and asked if that should be considered “at least a little treasonous.” Another reporter asked Trump, just moments later if he knew he might be committing obstruction of justice by firing James Comey to try to end the Russian investigation altogether.

The alleged billionaire laughed.

“You bigly betacucks,” Trump said, “when the president does it, that means it’s not obstruction of justice or treason.”

The president attempted to explain his reasoning.

“Many people told me when I decided to run for Emperor,” Trump explained, “that once I won the election, which I did, by the largest Electoral College margin ever…by a guy named Donald Trump…that I would basically be allowed to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. So that’s how it works now, get it? Got it? Good.”

Just then, Sean Spicer came into the area of Air Force One where the orange-tinted man was holding court. He leaned over and whispered something in his boss’s ear. Whatever Spicer said, it seemed to anger Trump.

“I am not a cook, Sean,” he said, “I am not a cook! So, no, I can’t just microwave my own TV dinner, no! You go and do it. But make sure you check it for spy equipment.”

The president is expected to finish his trip with a visit to the Mill House, a three hundred year old cider mill in Ireland, before coming back home to the United States.

Follow James on Twitter @JamesSchlarmann.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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