Trump Has a Title for His Presidential Memoir and Coloring Book

It took him over a year since he lost the election, and almost a year since he lost the ensuing insurrection, but former, one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump finally has a title for his upcoming presidential memoir and coloring book.

“Sean, this book is going to sell as well as Trump Steaks, and maybe even as well as Trump Ice. Some are telling me it could be as successful as Trump Taj Mahal, too. All I know is that My Struggle will sell big, big, bigly numbers in the red states,” Trump told Fox News host Sean Hannity in a sit-down interview last night.

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Trump’s memoir, which is planned for a release sometime early next year, will feature 1488 pages, which the former president said will show images of the times he “struggled to force MAGA down every American’s throats” or “fought to put America first.”

“You’ll get a chance to color in the time I fired James Comey. Or the time I told Ivanka she better give me the full Monica Treatment, or I’d cut off her credit cards. You know, the important, historical level stuff that will probably be studied in history classes one day, who knows, Sean?”

Mr. Trump’s memoir will be the first of its kind, but reportedly it’s still missing a publisher. Rumors in D.C. are that the major publishing companies worry that Trump’s base is too illiterate to read a memoir, and that’s why he decided to do a coloring book instead. Trump told Hannity he was initially not sold on the idea of doing a coloring book, but conceded it was a good idea in the long run.

“Normally, I don’t like adding more color to things that are already beautifully all white. I like all white things, Sean. Things like my electorate, and my beautiful Ivanka’s creamy thigh skin. But in this case, I think the coloring book idea is really great, Sean. I really do.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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