Man Who Harassed Black Man About Non-Existent Kenyan Birth Certificate For A Decade Outraged Over Ronny Jackson Allegations

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, President Donald Trump shocked the country when he used Twitter in an unhinged and angry rant. Trump rather uncharacteristically used his tweets to personally attack a sitting U.S. Senator for bringing to light allegations against White House doctor Ronny Jackson, who Trump had nominated to the be next Veteran’s Affairs Secretary. Jackson has since withdrawn his name from consideration because of the allegations.

In a truly out of character development, Trump lashed out angrily in tweets directed at Montana Democratic Senator Jon Tester. Trump’s ire for Senator Tester arose when the Montanan brought to light accusations from both active duty and retired service members that Dr. Jackson drank heavily on the job and was less than ethical about how he gave out prescription drugs. Trump, eschewing his normal calm dignity, really laid into Tester and demanded he resign from the Senate.

A couple of hours after Trump’s tweets were sent, he was spotted slipping out of the White House, dressed in his usual golf attire, with his clubs being carried behind him by Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Quasimodo. The president was stopped by the press pool and asked about his extremely out of character Twitter tirade.

“I know, it’s a very out of character thing for me to just fly off the handle and spew bullshit,” Trump admitted. “But I always say that sometimes you gotta fling some poo. It’s a trick I was taught by my orangutan mother.”

Trump lambasted Senator Tester again, saying he lacked “decency” and that he was “dredging up allegations” that he says are wrong, but even worse than that, “not at all racist, Islamaphobic, or nativist.”

“The least he could is have the decency to call Ronny’s citizenship into question like one does in civilized society,” Trump said. “The least he could do is find a black man in my administration and imply he’s not an American because of his name and his skin color. But no, he couldn’t stick to baseless, shallow, and racist conspiracy theories, he had to go and pass along credible allegations and deep-six my nominee!”

Trump seemed a little taken aback when a reporter asked why Dr. Jackson withdrew his name from consideration for the post, if he was innocent after all.

“”Hmm, interesting question, Captain Nerdy McJournalist,” Trump lashed out. “Maybe because he knew the fake JEW — excuse me, NEWS isn’t going to let up, and they’ll just keep digging and uncovering things until he’s forced to reckon with his past instead of running away from it and filing bankruptcy and crying to Mommy that Daddy never loved me enough and all he ever did was give me millions of dollars and…wait. What was I saying?”

Senator Tester has not responded to Trump’s tweets as of the time of publication.

James‘ satire is also found on:
Alternative Facts
Alternative Science,
The Political Garbage Chute
The Pastiche Post
Satirical Facts

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating:

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This