Man Who Wanted Bill Clinton Impeached For Oval Office Oral Sees No Issue With The Trump Tapes

HOBART, ARKANSAS — Clem O’Connell says he has “a vivid and stark memory” of what he says was “America’s darkest and worstest times” ever, the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. He told listeners to his Totes Right Biased America podcast this weekend that while he was “angered, incensed and outraged” at former-President Clinton’s “Oval Office beejer,” he sees “absolutely no issue” with Trump “doing what real, Alpha males do and relegating a woman to just a vagina with a pulse.”

“This is just outrageous,” Clem told his podcast’s audience, “that the lamestream, libtard media is focusing on Trump’s comments just because he said the word ‘pussy.’ Sure, he also pretty much said that as a rich man he can do whatever he wants to any woman he wants any time he wants, and he admitted to basically sexually assaulting women, but these tapes are just a distraction, and we all know what they’re distracting us from…Benghazi.”

Clem then spent twenty minutes breaking down exactly what Hillary Clinton did the night of the September 11th, 2012 attack on a consular building in Benghazi, Libya. Though he said his evidence was mostly “what he heard some army guys at the barber shop say once,” Mr. O’Connell is quite convinced that the tapes in which Trump can be heard discussing lewdly what he’d been allowed by women to get away with because of his fame and wealth are “just ginned up libtard fever dreams.”

“Every man talks like this,” Clem said, “when they’re 12 or 13, and sure most men by Donald’s age are embarrassed they ever thought of women in such a debasing, dehumanizing way. But does that really make Trump a bad guy, I wonder?”

One caller asked Clem if he felt that what Trump was talking about wasn’t really the same as what Bill Clinton did because Monica Lewinsky was an adult and a willing participant, even going so far as to seek out a relationship with Clinton. O’Connell scoffed mightily at that suggestion.

“I don’t care if Monica was 24 years old and a fully-willing participant,” Clem shouted, “and Trump is talking about sexually assaulting women and using his fame and money to cover it up. The fact is that Bill Clinton is a Democrat. He was a Democrat then, and he’s a Democrat now. So while most human beings can see that neither Bill nor Trump are exactly who we should be looking to for advice on gender equality, clearly Bill’s worse. Because…again…he’s a Democrat. And Trump isn’t…anymore.”

A new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll shows Hillary Clinton with a commanding 11 point lead nationally over Trump. The poll was conducted after the Trump Tapes were released, but before the second presidential debate. On Monday, Speaker Paul Ryan announced he would not be stumping for Trump any more, but that he was still endorsing him, because that makes sense to someone on some planet somewhere.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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