HOBART, ARKANSAS — Clem O’Connell told his podcast and YouTube audiences today that he was going to go to WalMart and buy a new TV after he had finished taping his show because last night he destroyed his old smart TV in a fit of what he called “consumer outrage and protest.”
“I read the news yesterday, and oh boy, let me tell you something fam,” Clem said, “when I got to the part about Netflix and the Obamas reaching a multi-million dollar production deal, I just about lost it. I immediately knew what we true American patriots had to do — a full blown Netflix boycott.”
Mr. O’Connell was referring to the announcement made yesterday by Michelle and Barack Obama that they had partnered with Netflix to produce a variety of programming that the Obamas say will focus on issues Mr. Obama pursued and highlighted during his time in office. The Obamas do not intend, they say, to use their platform to engage in political debates with President Trump or to counter narratives put out by Fox News and other conservative publishers.
As reported by The Failing New York Times:
Ted Sarandos, the chief content officer for Netflix, said the deal will benefit the service’s audience.
“Barack and Michelle Obama are among the world’s most respected and highly recognized public figures and are uniquely positioned to discover and highlight stories of people who make a difference in their communities and strive to change the world for the better,” he said. “We are incredibly proud they have chosen to make Netflix the home for their formidable storytelling abilities.” (The Failing New York Times)
It’s unclear what the dollar amount involved was, but Clem says he doesn’t care about the Obamas profiting from making deals; he just doesn’t want to keep his Netflix subscription and contribute to it.
“So I decided that I would make a statement, and take a stand against the creeping influence of George Soros‘ favorite secret Kenyan Communist Sharia Lover,” Clem said. “I was gonna cancel my Netflix account, but that didn’t feel like enough closure, or a big enough tantrum to be honest.”
O’Connell says he didn’t trust that simply canceling the membership would suffice.
“I have one of them fancy smart TVs, and it’s how I get my Netflix,” Clem said. “How was I supposed to trust that they wouldn’t use the Netflix application to digitally break into my house, steal my guns, and put me in a FEMA camp? Maybe y’all would take that risk, fam, but I wouldn’t!”
Clem went out to his tool shed and got the biggest sledgehammer he owns out of it. Clem unhooked the TV and started taking it outside with him. O’Connell says his cousin and wife expressed concern about where he was taking the TV.
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“So I told her, I’m taking it out back to boycott the living shit out of Netflix with my sledgehammer,” Clem said.
But then, an idea hit Clem like a load of bacon wrapped, deep-fried Twinkies.
“Then it hit me, like a load of bacon wrapped, deep-fried Twinkies,” Clem said. “I’m gonna really hit Obumbo where it counts, in his stupid little libtard feels. I was gonna boycott Netflix with my AR-15!”
So Clem put the sledgehammer down, and went back to his tool shed, where he found his collection of semi-automatic rifles. He picked his favorite, and set up the TV at one end of his backyard. Clem stood on the other end, aimed, and opened fire, destroying the TV he paid over a thousand dollars for just a couple of years ago.
“I blew that TV sky high, I tell you what. It felt so good, too,” Clem said. “Well, that is until I went to go watch Hannity and Ingraham and forgot that I only have the one TV, and even though he said he’d bring my coal job back, Trump ain’t gotten that far yet, and so I will be without a TV for a few months, if not more. But it was still worth it. I still stuck it to Obama and Netflix and ain’t no one gonna convince me otherwise.”
James‘ satire is also found on:
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The Political Garbage Chute
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