Trump Promises: “We’re Only Covering-Up How Innocent I Really, Truly Am, I Pinky Swear!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — There is a battle currently going on between one-half of the legislative branch of government and Donald Trump’s executive branch.

There is no denying that one very palpable and easily seen after effect of the 2018 midterm elections is that the Democratic Party is now the majority in the House of Representatives. For the first two years of presidency, Trump’s party was in charge of both congressional chambers, and Democrats were often frustrated and angry at what they perceived as a lack of oversight being conducted on the administration. The Dems stormed into the majority last fall partly on the promise made by many candidates during the mid-terms to do exactly that, and employ the “checks and balances” that the country’s government is supposed to operate on.

Since taking control of the House in January, the House committees on finance, judiciary, and intelligence have all issued various subpoenas for documents related to the first two years of the Trump Era. Ranging from an unredacted copy of the Mueller Report and its underlying evidence, to the president’s tax returns, House Dems have been pushing as hard as they can for information they say they’re legally entitled to.

Initially, President Trump said he had no problems with either FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller or his former White House counsel Don McGahn testifying before the House committees. However, in the days and weeks since the redacted Mueller report was delivered by Attorney General William Barr, accompanied by a 4-page summary that has been roundly criticized by both Democrats and some Republicans, tensions have risen between Trump and Congress, and his administration instructed McGahn not to comply with Democratic subpoenas, and the president has said he doesn’t want Mueller to testify any longer.

Even some on the right are starting to smell a cover-up.

Joe Walsh on Twitter

OVER 700 FORMER FEDERAL PROSECUTORS, REPUBLICAN & DEMOCRAT, HAVE NOW SIGNED THE LETTER ASSERTING THAT TRUMP OBSTRUCTED JUSTICE. https://t.co/PFu5lMQYR1

Today, Mr. Trump was spotted heading out to lunch and stopped on the front lawn of the White House. He was asked about whether he thought it might appear that he and his administration are hiding things and participating in a “cover-up.” Trump laughed so hard at the suggestion that some gas escaped his colon, and he blamed that gas leak on Sarah Huckabee Sanders, his press secretary, but she was back inside the White House.

“Of course we’re doing a cover-up! The best kind of cover-up! My cover-ups are always the best, of course, but this one is really, really, really big folks,” Trump admitted. “But we’re only covering up how innocent I really, truly am. I pinky swear!”

Trump says the American people “literally have no choice but to believe” him.

“Seriously, try not believing me and see how fast my army men show up at your door to take you to one of Obama’s FEMA camps that we actually built to put brown babies we kidnap in,” Trump said. “But also, would a guy who lied to you more than 10,000 times in two years lie to you about this?”

No one answered Trump. It was very awkwardly silent for a least a solid minute. Trump just stared at each reporter, waiting for a response, but they were all too shocked by what they heard to respond.

“That’s what I thought. Checkmate, libs, checkmate,” Trump said, farting again.

This story is developing.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James' newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

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