Trump Writing Book: “The Art Of Not Making Deals And Blaming It On Crooked Hillary, The Deep State, And Mexicans”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Alt-Right Publishing has announced that they will begin printing more than just leaflets that are handed out at Nazi, Ku Klux Klan, and “Free Speech” rallies across the country. Later this year, they will publish a book written by President Donald Trump, while in office, which they consider a “major coup.”

“Alt-Right Publishing is pleased to announce that in 2018 we will be publishing a book written by the sitting President of the United States of America,” a press release from the publishing house states. “We believe The Art of Not Making Deals And Blaming It On Crooked Hillary, The Deep State, And Mexicans will not only be a JEW York Times smash bestseller, but may even outsell everyone’s favorite books like The Holy Bible or Mein Kampf.”

In a conference call with the “lying mainstream press” today, Alt-Right Publishing’s CEO, Hank Notzi said that he reached out personally Trump, via White House Senior Policy and White Supremacy Adviser Stephen Miller, and and asked if he’d like to pen the book after watching the events of the last two weeks unfold, which resulted in a partial shutdown of the federal government.

“When he called all those countries with mostly brown skinned people shitholes and then in the same breath said we should bring in immigrants from pure, white countries, we knew we wanted to publish one of his books,” Notzi said. “But watching his political party bumble their way into shutting down the government, when he’s supposed to be some master deal maker made us realize there’s another book to be written there.”

Notzi says that while it’s “clear as day the Deal Maker label is a contrivance at best,” he still thinks the book will be a “yooge and bigly success.”

“President Trump, whenever he fails and falls publicly on his big, orange ass, blames everyone and anyone except himself,” Notzi said. “This shutdown is no different; he’ll blame it on Hillary Clinton, the Deep State plot against him, or the Democrats protecting Mexicans and not Americans. So it was really a no-brainer title and concept for the book.”

President Trump told reporters inside the Oval Office today that he’s donating the proceeds from the book advance and any sales to his favorite charity.

“The Trump Foundation, of course,” Trump said proudly when asked which charity that was. “It’s good to be da king.”

The president said he will begin work on the new book as soon as his new crayons arrive. The Art of Not Making Deals And Blaming It On Crooked Hillary, The Deep State, And Mexicans will be on gas station shelves and in church foyers available for purchase all across the Confederate States of America sometime this summer.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

More Satire:

Petition Started To Remove Confederate Monument From Attorney General’s Office

POLL: 60% Of Americans Hoping Government Shutdown Lasts For Next 3 Years

Trump Asks John Kelly If Taxpayers Will Still Pay For His Golf Outing Security During Government Shutdown

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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