Trump Asks Why It’s Not Called “Chocolate MLK Day”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Martin Luther King Jr.,  the icon of the Civil Rights movement, a man credited with introducing the concept of non-violent protest to Americans protesting the Jim Crow era of racial segregation, despite the end of slavery, was shot and murdered 50 years ago this April. Today marks a federal holiday celebrating Dr. King’s life.

In 2018, President Trump recorded a special message to commemorate the day, seen below.

Sources within the White House are telling media outlets that parts of Trump’s address were edited out. Those passages included a tangential moment when the president turned to his staff and asked them why the day isn’t referred to as Chocolate MLK Day, given Dr. King’s skin color.

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“It just would make sense to me is all, if we called it Chocolate MLK Day instead,” Trump said. “I mean, no one has to listen to my suggestions here. I’m just saying the first thing I think of when I think of Dr. King is that shithole skin color of his, and I bet a lot of my base does too. Frankly, skin color is the first and most important thing I see.”

Various staff and aides told Mr. Trump that the day is actually fully known as “Martin Luther King Jr. Day” and that MLK are simply his initials.

“My initials aren’t milk, you dummies,” Trump said stubbornly.

Staff clarified, they meant to say they’re “Dr. King’s initials.”

“He was a doctor? Really? Could he have fixed my bone spurs? That would’ve been something worthy of having a day for,” Trump said. “I mean, we all have dreams. I dream of Ivanka almost every night, but you don’t see me asking for a day in my honor. Wait. Can I…can I ask for a day in my honor, with the little time I have left as president? Can’t I just order a day of loyalty and fealty in service to me?”

Silence filled the Oval Office.

“Sir, I think some people might think that makes you sound like a dictator,” one aide said.

Trump grinned.

“Perfect. That’s what I want people to think of when they think of me. Dick,” Trump said.

“No, sir, that’s not…oh whatever, we’re all gonna die anyway,” the staffer said in resignation.

The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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