WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump family released a statement earlier today detailing the 45th Presidents birthday celebrations.
Amidst a new lawsuit being filed by the New York State Attorney, the family plans on having a quiet dinner at the White House with close friends, followed by cocktails, presents, and finally Ivanka Trump popping out of an over-sized birthday cake.
Said an adviser, “We had actually had other plans, that included the First Daughters racy performance of ‘Happy Birthday Mr. President’ in the style of Marilyn Monroe, however, with today’s news of a new lawsuit/witch hunt, the President just isn’t in his typical jovial manner. We’ve cut back on the more extravagant celebrations per the President, however, he still insisted on Ivanka popping out the cake. And when Mr. Trump insists on something, you do it.”
The White House chef will surely be busy to prepare for this event, regardless of the small size of the event.
On top of the birthday cake large enough to fit his bikini clad daughter, the President has requested the city’s finest Big Macs and well done steaks, smothered in Ketchup for himself. Buckets of fried chicken, served on official white house China (with a fork and knife), and plenty of jiggly orange Jell-o, (however this year, the Jell-o won’t be molded into the shape of Stormy Daniels breasts, as was the norm years ago), will also reportedly be on the menu.
From all of us here at Political Garbage Chute, Happy Birthday Mr. President. May you continue questionable health and many pussies to grab!