WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, President Donald Trump took the unusual step of issuing a second executive order stopping a particular policy, despite having already signed one for the very same reason last week.
“I shouldn’t have to do this, since you know, I already reversed that horrible Obama Era policy that stated President Donald Trump had to kidnap brown boarder babies,” Trump said. “But just to be on the safe side, I’m double-reversing the policy and blaming it on the President of Texas as well.”
Trump was referring to the policy of separating children from their parents if they are caught crossing the U.S. border illegally. In April, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced the DOJ would be starting a new “zero tolerance” policy for illegal border crossings, and one of the consequences could be family separation. Outrage fomented quickly as reports of thousands of children taken from their parents surfaced, along with harrowing accounts and audio of wailing, screaming children started coming out.
After a flurry of condemnation of the policy on both sides of the aisle, and after pinning the blame for his administration’s enforcement strategy on his predecessor, who just so happens to be black, Trump signed an executive order reversing his own policy last week. Today, the president told reporters he wanted to also make sure that not only was Obama’s policy reversed, but the policy of another, different president’s policy as well.
“Last night I was sitting in the Royal Presidential Throne/Dumper room,” Trump explained, “and it donned on me that I reversed the previous black policy, but not the President of Texas’ immigration policy. It was all his and Previous Black Guy’s fault, I’m telling you. I wanted to give all those brown babies low paying manual labor jobs, but NO, the President of Texas wanted to go all Third Reich on them.”
Mr. Trump scrawled his signature over the order in giant crayon, and then handed it to Stephen Miller, with a wink.
“There you go Stephen, make sure you put that order in our special filing cabinet for very important orders we take extremely seriously,” Trump said, making sure to wink even bigger this time. “Boy it feels good to get rid of that one…whose shitty idea was it in the first place?”
Miller nodded. Half an hour later he was seen throwing the order, and several dozen copies of the Koran, Harry Potter novels as well as Barack Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate in a large bonfire. It was noted that the fire was already raging with the heat of thousands of other books Mr. Miller has deemed “too non-white” for American consumption.
This is a developing story.