A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued over an allegation that he raped a woman years ago while he was till living and pretending to work in the Big Apple.

While it is certainly understandable to raise your eyebrows at the idea of someone who was, up until a couple of short years ago, the most powerful person in the world, being a credibly accused rapist, we wondered if this kind of thing is really all that unprecedented.  Perhaps it seems really shocking that this same man could be seeking his party’s 2024 presidential nomination at the same time that he is undergoing a civil trial related to his raping of a woman. However, what we wanted to know is just how rare it is for a presidential candidate to be on trial for rape while he or she runs for president.

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So, as we do from time to time, we did a deep dive. We crunched the numbers. We told our unpaid interns to work five times as many hours without compensation to research this topic. What we ended up compiling is the most exhaustive list of the candidates who have already declared their intent to run in 2024 and who are also currently on trial for raping someone.

The entire list is as follows.

This guy:

This guy, too:

Oh, and also this guy:

We really shouldn’t leave this guy off the list, either:

And of course, finally, this healthy specimen of human existence:

If you feel we left any 2024 presidential candidate/rapist off this list, please contact this outlet and we will update the story.

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Now THAT is a handy list! #DonaldTrump #ejeancarroll #trumptrial satire #politics #politik #religiousright #religiousrightreligiouslywrong #republican

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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