Trump Was Disappointed His Vaccine Didn’t Also Cover Windmill Cancer or Bone Spurs

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During his long-winded open mic set at the 2021 CPAC convention, former President Donald Trump lambasted President Joe Biden for getting the covid-19 vaccine. It’s unclear why Trump wouldn’t think that Biden, the leader of one of the most powerful nations ever, wouldn’t take the vaccine as a protective step against becoming infected, but at any rate, during his set at CPAC this year, Trump laid into Biden for getting vaccinated.

In a completely foreseen turn of events, news broke that casts Trump in a hypocritical light. Shortly before leaving office, Trump and his racist gold digger companion Melania both took covid-19 vaccinations. This after Trump boasted publicly that he didn’t need to take it because he had already gotten infected with covid-19 and had to be hospitalized for a short time because of it.

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This morning, reports started circulating that at the time he received his covid-19 vaccination, former, one-term, twice-impeached President Trump was disappointed that the shot “didn’t do more.”

“So you’re telling me this won’t cure my bone spurs? And you’re calling this shot a miracle still, Doc,” Trump reportedly asked the doctor administering his vaccine. “Okayyyyy. I guess. I’m just saying it would REALLY be a miracle of it cured my bone spurs at least.”

If Trump was a little disappointed that he couldn’t get his bone spurs cured with the covid-19 vaccine, he was downright apoplectic that the shot wouldn’t keep him safe from a disease he fears far more than the coronavirus.

“What a minute, Doc! Are you for realsies telling me this vaccine won’t have any impact on windmill cancer,” Trump asked incredulously. “What the fucking actual fuck, Doc? Windmill cancer literally kills trillions of people a day, and you’re telling me we spent all this money on a vaccine that won’t even safeguard us from that kind of monster?”

The doctor offered to leave without giving Trump the shot.

“NO! WAIT! Let’s not go that far, Doc. I just wanted to talk a little shit,” Trump said, grabbing the doctor forcefully by the arm. “GIVE ME THAT SHOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.”

Trump was given the vaccine and the doctor was sent on his way.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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