Trump Changes Official Presidential Twitter Account To @POTUSSR

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In one of his first official acts as President of the United States, Donald Trump has asked the cyber team in his administration to make a change the official presidential Twitter account.

“Today I have instructed my head of the cyber – my ten year old son Barron – to change the Twitter handle for my official presidentialish tweets,” Trump announced as he stood in front of the White House.

The Twitter handle, which was first used by President Barack Obama, used to be “@POTUS,” but Trump said that he wanted to change the name to fit his administration’s “goals and image.”

“So I’m going to have it be @USSR,” Trump said, “and I think it’s a really good change, I really really really really really do. Like bigly much. Maybe it’s one of the best ideas I’ve ever been given by Vlad. I mean, what. I’m not supposed to say that stuff. Whoops. Cut that out. FAKE NEWS! WRONG!”

Mr. Trump explained that the addition of the letter “R” to the handle was meant to “symbolize something new, a new era.”

“The R is for ‘real,'” Trump explained, “because I’m a real president. You know, because I’m white…I mean a Republican. Definitely meant Republican. Only Republicans are real presidents, and it has nothing to do with skin color, I promise. Believe me, if anyone should know about skin color and presidencies, it’s me. But where was I? Oh yeah, Twitter. Great service. Love the twitter. So much fun. You just never know who you can insult, belittle, troll, or make fun of in public, as the most powerful man in the free world.”

Reached for comment, Russian President Vladimir Putin hailed the name change as “a sign of better things yet to come” and said it showed “the exact kind of bold leadership that made us pick Trump.”

“Comrade Trump is a great man with huge hands and real hair,” Putin said, a grin across his face, as he addressed a Russian press conference, “and we applaud this decision. We think it’s a sign of better things yet to come, and it’s the exact kind of bold leadership that made us pick him. I mean. Wait. What? Turn off the cameras now please thanks.”

Donald Trump was sworn-in as the 45th President of the United States of America on January 20th, 2017.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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