Trump Builds Giant Wall Around Press Conference to Keep Jorge Ramos Out

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Construction has begun on The Trump Anti-Ramos Wall, a $3.2 billion venture undertaken by Trump Enterprises. The plan is to erect a massive wall over 85 feet in height around the hotel conference room where 2016 Republican presidential front runner Donald Trump will hold a press conference next week. The wall is being built specifically to keep one man — Univision and Fusion host Jorge Ramos — out of the press conference. Ramos has become one of the most trusted reporters and news anchors in the media, and is known for his tough questioning of politicians of all stripes on the issue of immigration reform.

The building of the Trump Anti-Ramos Wall was inspired in part, say sources close to real estate mogul, by the exchange between Ramos and Trump at a press conference earlier this week. Though he had not been called on by Trump, Ramos attempted to ask a question, which lead to a heated exchange, Trump telling Ramos to “go back to Univision,” and Ramos being escorted out of the conference. Though he was eventually let back in, Trump was still fuming mad after the presser ended, and according to sources told his staff to immediately begin preparation on a wall to keep Ramos out permanently.

“Mr. Trump is a big fan of walls, as anyone who has read his policy paper on immigration knows,” our source told us adding, “and he figured this was a great time to demonstrate to the non-losers paying attention just how well the idea of a large, tall wall is at keeping invading Hispanic and Latinos — er we mean immigrants that come from many different countries — out.” According to the source, Trump will hire “only the best construction crews” that can build the wall in such a short time. When asked if the crews would have any Latino or Hispanic people on them, our source said, “Of course, just like Trump’s clothing lines being produced in Mexico and China, he has no problem paying lip service protecting American workers with borderline jingoism but still will contact companies offshore to get the labor costs as low as possible.”

The Trump aide told The Political Garbage Chute that his boss is “well aware” that voters outside the Republican base my react very negatively to the news of the wall being built but that he “ultimately believes those will be the whines of loser-ass losers not understanding how winner-ass winners live.” Though Trump acknowledges that the Great Wall of China ultimately failed in protecting China from invasion by the Mongols, our source said that both the Anti-Ramos wall and the wall at the U.S.-Mexico border that he is proposing would work because “unlike that shoddy Chinese wall, our walls would be backed by Trump’s reputation as a solid winner…minus those times he’s run his businesses into the ground and had to file for bankruptcy.”

“Mr. Trump does not need or want to answer any tough questions about immigration,” the aide told our reporter when asked why exactly Trump is trying to bar a member of the free press from engaging with him, “and so there’s no need to have a Latino reporter in there asking him questions. Who does Ramos think he is anyway, a journalist with a responsibility to the public to keep them as informed as possible? That’s loser-ass liberal talk on our side of the fence, or wall, as the case may be here.”

Reached for comment, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), who is challenging Trump for the Republican nomination, told The Political Garbage Chute he’s “all in favor of any big, showy, meaningless political theater” and that he “hopes the wise and powerful Great Trump will consider him for a cabinet position in his most excellent administration.” Other Trump rivals expressed similar support for “repelling the invasion from the south of Univision,” as Dr. Ben Carson put it.