Sister publication Alternative Facts reported this week that President Donald Trump has some rather unique and unprecedented plans for the day he is removed from power. That day, January 20th, 2021, is rapidly approaching, and as his crack (smoking) legal team racks up loss after loss in court, Trump’s options to steal the election back from Joe Biden are dwindling. AltFacts reported, however, that Trump may have more fully processed his loss than he’s let on before, and that he’s already making some plans for post-presidential life, beginning the day he leaves office.

Initially, many believed that Trump would fly directly from D.C. to his Florida resort, Mar-A-Lago, and hold a rally there.

Reportedly, President Donald Trump is so miffed about losing his re-election bid that he is deeply contemplating trying to rob Biden of at least some of the spotlight on Inauguration Day. While historically outgoing presidents have attended the ceremony to help usher in a peaceful transition power, sources close to the president say his rectal area is still in far too much pain for him to do something that remotely shows class or dignity. Instead, reports have been swirling that Trump plans to hold one of his MAGA rallies somewhere in Florida literally as Biden is taking over his job from him. (AltFacts)

What AltFacts learned, however, is that Trump does indeed plan to fly somewhere just as he is being swept out of office, however, where he is going, who he is taking, and how he plans to get everyone there is a completely different story. According to their reporting, AltFacts says that Trump plans to fill Air Force One with as many of his ardent supporters as he can, and then he’ll fly everyone to Guyana, to an already constructed “resort,” that he used campaign funds to purchase just a couple of weeks ago.

However, sources are now reporting that the initial reports weren’t quite right. Instead of holding a MAGA rally in America’s Floppy Dong, President Trump plans to hold his rally in Guyana. What’s more, Trump plans to personally fly as many of his supporters to Guyana with him, aboard Air Force One. Once in Guyana, he’ll set up Trump Town, where expatriated Americans who are upset with Biden’s election can join him, living in, as one administration source called it, a “bubble of delusion so thick nobody can penetrate it.” (AltFacts)

Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick acknolwedged Trump’s plans this morning on Fucks and Friends.

“President Donald Trump plans to use last, waning moments in power to board Air Force One with as many of his followers as can fit, and then whisk everyone off to beautiful Guayana,” White House Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick explained. “Guests who join the president will be treated to in-flight snacks and all the punch you can drink.” (AltFacts)

Trump supporters looking for a free vacation should read the fine print, however. They’ll be expect to put in real, manual labor once they arrive in Guyana. Trumptown needs some TLC.

Once they arrive, everyone will deplane from Air Force One and begin construction on a new Trump Hotel. The president plans to handle building the new hotel the same way he’s handled building all of his hotels. He won’t pay anyone for their work, and he plans to run it into the ground by 2024.

“Very honestly, President Trump isn’t sure the hotel will even get finished,” McDitzydick said. “I guess it depends on how much punch everyone has once they get down there.” (AltFacts)

Joe Biden will become the 46th President of the United States at 12:00pm ET, January 20th, 2021. Donald Trump will return to his life of pretending to be rich and racist conspiracy theory tweeting.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.